The Goodness of Life

This shall be my last post for 2004. Over the past few days we have all been assailed by the horrible visions and thoughts of the great destruction and loss of lives left by the earthquake and tsunami. I did not want to blog about it. Its there in my face everyday, the newspaper headlines screaming at me, its everywhere online, and on blogsphere. I think it shook most of us because it could have been anyone of us. The tsunami took the young and old, the poor, the rich, even royalty. It matters not what creed or colour the victims were. It just came and swept them away in a matter of minutes. Simply horrifying.

My brother and his family were at the exact spot at Patong beach, Phuket. They were on that beach from 12pm to 3pm Malaysian time on 21st December. The Tsunami struck about that time on 26th December. According to bro, they were on the exact location/spot at Patong Beach. In fact the kids were out swimming in the sea (crystal clear, calm, and blue!) whilst brother and his wife lay on the beach under the beach umbrella. It was probably the safest beach - lined up with two rows of beach umbrellas for more than 4 kilometers. I am so thankful they are safe. Yes, it could have been anyone of us.

We have spoken enough about the tragedy. So I will not speak about it further. I would like instead to share with readers a positive message to remind ourselves there is still goodness in life. We all need a little calm and peace right now to reflect over the past year and prepare ourselves to welcome the new year. Please click on this link http://thegoodnessoflife.com/

Happy New Year everyone.

My palm tree

I have a little palm tree,

As real as can be,

It sits on my balcony,

Facing me and my family

I have a little palm tree,

As versatile as can be,

On Christmas its leaves light up,

With pretty little bulbs

I have a little palm tree,

As faithful as can be,

Every Chinese New Year,

Hanging Angpows bring me cheer

I have a little palm tree,

As old as can be,

Can I still hang up lanterns?

This coming mooncake festival

Uhmm.... In case you're wondering whats that all about. Its just me paying a little tribute to my old, faithful, fake palm tree. Its been with us for a while now, as long as the house. But its leaves are fading now and some have dropped off and err... covered with dust (ahem. shy to admit). Might be time to replace it soon. A bit sad. Everything in our house has a sentimental value and a story.

Though I love greens and probably would enjoy doing some gardening, I don't have the time for it. Besides toddler may eat the leaves! The fake tree looks like the real thing, requires minimum care and still look remarkably good even when you forget to water it (or in this case, wipe it). Highly recommended for parents with very young children living at home.

New Year through the ages

This is what 31st going on to 1st means to me or rather how I celebrate the New Year.

As a child
No big deal. Its just another day.

As a student
No big deal. Its just another day. Might have gotten caught up in making some New Year resolutions to study harder. Honestly I cannot remember.

As a single working girl
Paid exhorbitant cover charges to go out with 'just the girls' for dinner and party till they throw streamers and do the countdown so we can shout Happy New Year and hug each other.

As a girlfriend and part of a couple
Much the same as above accept replace 'just the girls' with 'boyfriend' and minus dinner until patrons of the nightspots got younger and younger (or was it we got older and older?) so we celebrated by walking the jam packed streets of KL to watch fireworks instead or by drinking champagne with friends at our own home and make a toast for a good year. (much cheaper too!)

As a mother to young children
Drink hot Milo while watching fireworks on TV (after the kids go to bed) and whisper Happy New Year when the clock strikes 12. Then put on party hats and other party paraphernalia on ourselves and the kiddos, act silly and take photos on New Year's morning.

I wonder what New Year will be like when the kids get older but we will try to make it memorable for them of course. Just like how hubby made each and every New Year now memorable for me as he proposed to me on a fine New Year's eve some years ago.

Gift Giving Dilemma

For my own records less I forget, here's what I received for Christmas 2004.

For Mr & Mrs MG
- a box of chocolates (bad, we both need to lose weight)
- a chocolate and nut cake (bad, for the same reason above)
- a household ornament (pretty but not sure if its a vase, windchime or candle holder - hmm... maybe can recycle ie give to someone who does not have kids or as a housewarming gift)

For MG
- costume jewellery (good, can wear for Chinese New Year)
- cookbooks (can admire and drool over the pictured illustrations but no time to cook)

For Baby
- Barney, Bj & Baby Bob softoys to hang on baby's gym (courtesy of Mr MG)
- a board book (toddler has claimed it as her own)
- a ceramic cup (ceramic?! will have to sit in my cabinets till baby is older)

For Toddler
- Barney cup with straw (dunno how to describe but its got Barney popping out from a jungle at the top of the cup! courtesy of Mr MG)
- a handheld colourful windmill (not sure if thats what its called but who cares, she loves it)
- a storybook (with stupid stories, to me at least but again who cares, she likes to read them especially if mummy is reading them to her.)
- a plastic Disney princess cup (again, toddler likes it but then she likes any cup provided they serve up her current favourite drinks ie Veebena (Ribena) and Orange Jooose (Juice))

Hmm... it would seem as if toddler enjoys her gifts the most. Every year we face a gift giving dilemma. PapiMami blogged about this before Christmas and it brings to mind my own yearly dilemma.

- to give or not to give?
- who to give? (ie. to give everyone, just the children or one for each household?)
- what to give? (depends on the above)
- maybe i should add "why" are we giving?

Oh I do love shopping for gifts, browsing around slowly, thinking about the person who will be getting the gift and whether he or she will be delighted by it, carefully choosing a well worded card to go with it and trying out my artistic skills to wrap it up beautifully BUT I do not enjoy gift giving when it is commercialised, rushed, pressured and not our own tradition to do so. (Giving out angpows during Chinese New Year is our tradition and err..... much simpler too.)

No, I do not enjoy gift giving for the sake of giving and so I don't. But only if you are as thick skinned as MG will you turn up at a gathering empty handed and leave the way Santa Clause would have arrived. Some of the gifts I received still had price tags on them indicating the gift giver's rush in getting them and looking at the amount of gifts being passed around that evening, I think the retailers are laughing all the way to the bank selling things they would not normally have been able to sell.

Since its not our tradition to exchange gifts on Christmas (but rather something that has somehow creeped into our family over the years) I also face the dilemma and confusion of whether to buy anything for my own kids. On toddler's first Christmas, we got her a singing Santa just for the fun of it, second year nothing. Now its baby's first Christmas, so we're back to buying something for them otherwise it would be unfair on poor baby. Ah.... this confusion. Its our own doing!

Am I being cheapskate, a scrooge, a spoilsport, too practical? I don't think so. I just don't believe in it. It does seem to be such a terrible thing though ... not to get gifts for people who have given gifts to your kids. Still, I won't succumb to giving something useless or thoughtless (because I have no time) just for the sake of giving something in return. But maybe I'll do it next year.... for the kids. (Thats what I say every year.... but perhaps when my kids are older, I can involve them in the gift selection and wrapping process as an opportunity to teach them about the joy of giving, but not right now. Rushing around with other shoppers, standing up in long queues with a baby on a sling and a toddler hanging on to my shirtails is too much for me to handle.)

We should all just save up and give for a good cause instead. For more details on how to donate to victims of the tsunami in Malaysia, hop over to Mack's blog.

Shaken

'Twas the morning after Christmas and a Sunday. Normally, hubby would take toddler to the park but yesterday I told hubby to stay home with the kiddos since they've had so much excitement the night before at a Christmas party.

So I took a morning walk to buy breakfast for the family. It was just after 9.00pm. I walked past the pool and saw many little ones playing happily in the water since it was the school holidays. I then walked past a group of people near the barbeque pit. I thought it was unusual to have so many people up on a Sunday morning but it did not cross my mind that anything was wrong.

When I reached the shophouses, I saw that the coffeeshops were packed with people, again, unusual for a Sunday morning. Then I came across a huge crowd of people standing at the roadside staring up at their condo building. This time I knew something was wrong. A man in a car asked me what was wrong when he drove passed me but I told him I didn't know.

At first I thought someone was trying to jump from the building, the way everyone was looking up. Then saw a police car with the siren blaring loudly informing everyone to get out of the building for their own safety. I asked a lady what had happened and she told me that she was having a bath when she felt a tremor. She quickly put on her clothes and left her unit in a panic when she heard her neighbours shouting and other people rushing out and leaving their homes.

I quickly rang my husband and told him what had happened. He said he felt our chair move too at our own condo but only briefly. I then saw the police car entering our condo compound area informing everyone to leave for their own safety. I checked with one of the police officers in the car and he told me that we had to leave the building because a tremor had been reported and that we would be allowed back after structural checks had been made.

I hurried home and we took our kids out for the day, only returning after checking with the guard. It was rather quiet when we left. I think many residents were probably not aware of what had taken place. It is worrying indeed that we are not prepared for emergencies of this or any kind.

In Malaysia, we are fortunate not to have natural disasters like these. The worst of our problems are storms and floods. This makes us unequipped and unexperienced to handle emergencies like these. It is indeed very scary. I am rather shaken by this.

I watched the news many times throughout the day to find out what was happening. As of this morning, it was reported that the 8.9 magnitude earthquake(the biggest in 40 years) and tsunami has taken more than 12,000 lives. Here are more recent updates. Blog updates on the situation in Malaysia can be found here and here. I am haunted by the images. What a horrible and terrible tragedy. My brother and his family has just returned from a seaside holiday at Phuket. I shudder to think of what could have happened if they had chosen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

This is indeed a grim reminder to us to be thankful for the little things in life and not take anything or anyone for granted. It is a reminder to me to let the important people in my life know that they matter. A reminder to look after my little ones well and to give them lots of cuddles and love NOW not 'later when I have more time'. My heart cries for those who have lost their families. I cannot imagine how a father who lost his 4 children all in a blink of an eye would feel or those who watched helplessly as their children are washed away. I can only hope there are no more after-shocks.

Gender differences

The other day, I blogged that I did not have a confinement lady for my babies. Hubby is my confinement man. He did most of the early diaper changes for the babies as I was not supposed to touch water during the confinement period after childbirth. Being first time parents, we were totally ignorant. We read up all we could before the babies arrived. Hubby would print out the relevant articles. He even had diagrams and pictures on how to put on a diaper.

Its really sweet to think back of the first few diaper changes for babies. This is how it went. (Conversation written in Malaysian slang. Sometimes dialects and Malay words are used as well. Its not that we have poor/bad english. Its just the charming way we speak :-) )

First time changing daughter's diapers.

Mr MG: "Hon, can you take a picture for me?"
MG: "Hah? Change diaper also want to take photo ah?"
Mr MG: "Of course lah. Must remember."
MG: "Ok. I take from this angle so cannot see baby's bottom."
(Flash, snap, flash, snap)
MG: "Ok. How was it?"
Mr MG: "Not bad. Quite easy." (said Mr MG feeling very proud of his achievement)

First few times changing son's diapers.
(MG preoccupied in another part of the house. No photos this time. Poor baby. The first child usually has all the photos etc by excited first time parents.)

Mr MG: "Shit"
MG: "Huh? What happened? What happened?" (came running to check)
Mr MG: "He shot urine on my hand!"
MG: "Aiyah. Why you never cover with tissue paper?"
Mr MG: "Oh no, oh no, now he shot on his own hand and his face and hair also kena already."
MG: "Aiyah. Why you never cover with tissue paper?"
Mr MG: "Its your fault lah. Stand there and talk to me. I thought he finished already."
MG: "Hmm. Now must bathe him and wash his hair some more."

Hehehe. Gender differences is apparent from the time they are babies.

The Blogger's Mind

Help! I think this blogging virus thingy has spread to my brain. I keep getting these thoughts intermittently throughout the day....

• "Hmm...What shall I blog today?"
• "Wow. This picture will look great on my blog." (Flash! Snap! Snap! - I love digital cameras. Can you tell?)
• "Ah. I've just come up with a great blogging idea. Wish I had a laptop.....(Santa! Yoohoo, are you there? I've been so nice all year round, really, not naughty at all!)
• "I wonder what title to give this blog?"
• "Help! I'm having a writer's block. I haven't updated my blog for some time now..."
• "I wonder if anyone's left a comment on my blog."
• "Time to check my tracker to see who last visited."
• "Freebies...freebies....got any more blog add-ons and freebies to sign up for?"
• "Must check out more directories to list on when I am free......"
• "Hmm...think I will record all these thoughts and memories I have on my blog. Don't care if it bores everyone to tears. I blog for me!" :-)
• "Oh, so many blogs to read and so little time......"
• "I wonder if there's any new banners I can add to my banner collection."
• "I left a comment on so & so's blog, I wonder if so & so has replied?"
• "I think I forgot to ping the Project Petaling Street for my latest blog"
• the list goes on..........

My Christmas Links

"We seem to be celebrating all year round. First there was Deepavali, then Hari Raya, now Christmas and soon Chinese New Year. As with any other celebrations, there's a feeling of festivities in the air in Malaysia during Christmas as the shopping malls and hotels lights up with colour and display. Toddler was very excited to see Santa at the mall last weekend.

Yikes. Wanna sing those Christmas carols to my babies but I just cannot remember all the lyrics. Its about time to send out some e-cards too. (Cheapo) but hey, who sends out real cards anymore. Besides I'm being environmental conscious and I can send fancy ones like these. Plus I can send cards from the comfort of my home while listening to some nice holiday music in the background. Time to go and send those cards now."

Merry Christmas Everyone!

D.I.Y. Mama

I'm a Do-It-Yourself Mama. Everything that I learned about motherhood and parenting is from books, the internet or through trial and error and personal experience. I have no mother or mother-in-law to seek advice from. I strongly believe that if you are to bring children into this world than you must look after them yourself. No maids, nannies or baby sitters for my children. Nosiree. They didn't even have a confinement lady. Husband and I did everything ourselves. Friends laugh at/with us when we tell them we had to check the internet to find out what the colour of baby's poo means.

Looking after a toddler and a baby is tough. It can be very stressful at times. I usually try not to blog about negatives but the fact is, it is tough. The little ones require so much attention. Baby cannot look after himself and can only communicate through crying (although he is learning to coo, babble, smile and laugh now too :-)) So all his basic needs have to be taken care of, changes of diapers, his breastfeeds, solid foods (No jar food for my honey. I enjoy cooking and making his food myself) and his sleep. Toddler needs to be toilet trained, has unpredictable tantrums is sometimes independant but sometimes clingy and whiny. Feeding the picky toddler can be stressful too.

Sometimes it would seem as if all I do is one pamper change after another and my ears need a break from all that whining and crying (its especially hard when the two of them cries and decides to have a poo at the same time) and oh yes, getting them to sleep at the same time is a very great challenge indeed. Most days, I hardly have any time for myself. I don't even have any privacy in the bathroom as one must keep an eye on the kids ALL the time. My meals are always hurried. Sometimes I eat on the go, meaning I eat standing up while doing other stuff or I eat with one little fella balanced on my lap.

And I have it easy, really. I don't do any cooking accept for the kids. We cater our food or buy from outside. I don't do any ironing, only washing of laundry. I send husband's clothes for ironing and I wear simple materials that don't require ironing, the kids clothes are so tiny all I need to do is pull to straighten after washing. I only do housework when its absolutely necessary. (My house is covered with dust but full of love).

I live in a very small place so keeping things neat and tidy is not so difficult. I have a place for everything and everything in its place. I have rid my house of clutter so my mind won't feel cluttered and my motto is "do as little as often as possible" , that means I don't let anything snowball or accumulate. I pick up or wipe a little bit here and there ie I do my housework in short spans of 10-15 minutes.

Even with such luxury, I still feel stressed sometimes so I am not at all surprised why maids abuse little children, especially those maids who have to wash cars early in the morning, mop the floor everyday, prepare meals for everyone, wash, iron and fold the laundry, wash the toilet etc in addition to looking after young children. I'm not at all surprised when I read about the maid who starved the kid who refused to eat. If you have ever tried to feed a picky toddler you will know what I mean. I am surprised instead at the mum who wonders why her maid cannot prepare and feed her child nutritious foods.

If the maids are very young, they will not be equipped emotionally to handle young charges. The older ones who have families at home will be missing their own children while having to deal with other people's difficult children. What a stressful situation, a time-bomb waiting to explode.

Nosiree. No maids for my kids. If I ever have maids, it will strictly be for housework only but being human, when one has a maid its so easy to push the harder tasks like diaper changes, feeding etc to the maid but being a parent means the good and the bad. No such thing as letting someone else do all the dirty work so that you can enjoy your kids, all nicely napped, cleaned and changed.

I feel very sad when I see maids accompanying children during kiddy rides with the parents totally missing, I feel sad when I see maids chasing their young charges and trying to persuade the little ones to eat their meals (the kids are smart, they can tell the difference and will learn to "bully" the maid). Once I even saw a maid with a baby in a sling while looking after another toddler in a play area while the mum browsed around shopping by herself. I feel that is so wrong. My friends who have maids sometimes tell me they have to ask their children to "spy" on their maids when they are not around. What are the children learning from this?!

I am lucky I have the choice to choose to stay at home to look after the kids myself. If I didn't, I would still want to look after them myself as much as I practically and possibly can. Thats why I read in a research somewhere that the most stressed up individuals tend to be working mothers who have very young children. Its not easy to be a wife, a mother, a sister, a daugher, a daughter-in-law, an employee/boss and balance all these roles to perfection.

Enough negativity for the day. Must go and look at why the toddler is whining right now.......

The Lost Dialects

The hierachy of languages and dialects in my family is as follows:

Grandfather: Speaks Mandarin and Hokkien.
Father: Speaks Mandarin, Hokkien, Cantonese, English and Malay.
Me and my siblings: Speaks Hokkien, English and Malay.
My kids, my nephews and nieces: Speaks or will probably speak only English and Malay.

Grandpa, a migrant from China, spoke his mother tongue fluently but his son's generation, ie my father is the best. He learned Mandarin and Hokkien from grandpa, picked up Cantonese and Malay at work (dad is a retired police officer) and learned English from his own children.

As Malaysian Chinese we are very fortunate indeed to be multilingual. I still remember going on a holiday trip to Hong Kong with dad when I was younger. The Taiwanese spoke Mandarin and Hokkien, The Hongkees spoke Cantonese and they were amazed at dad who not only spoke Mandarin, Hokkien and Cantonese but English and Malay as well.

But our generation is losing it. I feel really sad about not understanding and being unable to read Mandarin. I have been trying to teach myself but its hard to learn a language. At the most, I can probably read some signs and understand some conversational chinese but am still unable to read the papers. They only taught one mandarin class in primary school and I remember us girls would "ponteng" (skip) classes to climb a tree in our school yard. What a waste!

What about our children? Its even worse. None of my nephews and nieces speak hokkien and my children are heading towards that direction too. When my sisters want to say something to me within earshot of their kids, they say it in Hokkien because the kids do not understand. They can say just very simple things like "Lu chiak pah ah boi" (Have you eaten?), "Chiak pah liao" (Eaten). When they do speak these sentences they have this "mat salleh" slang (spoken like a foreignor) .....

I tried to teach my toddler a few Hokkien words but she too said it with a "mat salleh" slang. Its hard to teach them a second language when it is not spoken at home. My husband is Hokkien but he doesn't speak it. His cantonese is almost as bad. According to him, he speaks "bahasa cina" ie a rojak (mix) of Hokkien, Cantonese, Mandarin and Malay. So we converse in English. The other couples in my family ie my siblings all converse with their spouses in English too even though they may both speak the same dialect, I have no idea why. But of course this conversing in English with spouses among our generation is sometimes a result of "inter-dialect" marriages.

Its the same with our culture. We're losing it. I do not understand nor celebrate correctly the various cultural celebrations. My knowledge of our own chinese cultural celebrations died along with my mum. I have no idea when or why certain celebrations take place accept for what I read. Most of the time, I only know about a coming celebration from colleagues, the papers or when they start selling the food associated with the celebrations at the mall. My way of celebrating is to eat without fully knowing the significance of the celebrations.

For the sake of my children, I will have to read more about these celebrations, blog about it and celebrate and educate my children about their culture less it gets lost. Don't want them to end up as "orang cina celup" (literally translated to mean "dipped Chinese" or better explained as "gold plated jewellery" and not "pure gold" as they should be.)

I mentioned I was going to blog about our cultural celebrations as a way to teach myself before teaching my children (the teacher has to learn too) but just came across 5XMom's blog on the Winter Solstice Festival. She has come up with nice pictures too! Hehe. One less homework for me to do. Just link to her. I didn't even know that that celebration was coming up so soon. I've really lost it...... :-(

Adding more info on the Winter Solstice Festival for my future reference. Here's another blog on it and here's the recipe to make the kuih ee (glutinous rice flour balls).

Information Improvisation:

These days for those lost friends that can't be found anywhere, there are people search sites online where its easy finding friends that you may not have seen or spoken to in hears. Most people find that people searches are very successful.

5 hour holiday shopping spree

Before.....Shopping as a couple

Traffic jam and looking for car park - (1/2 hour or more)
Queue up to collect movie tickets - (1/2 hour)
Watch movie - (1 1/2 hours)
Leisurely meal - (1 hour)
Window shopping & buying ;-) - (1 hour)
Traffic jam getting out of car park - (1/2 hour)
Total - (5 hours)

Now.......Shopping with a baby and a toddler

Traffic jam and looking for car park - (1/2 hour or more)
Queue up to collect balloon - (15 minutes)
Head straight towards shopping for necessities - (1 hour)
Queue up to shake hands with Santa Clause - (45 minutes)
Feed hungry toddler some snacks - (15 minutes)
Hang around shopping complex lobby waiting for artificial "snow" to fall - (45 minutes)
Traffic jam getting out of car park - (1/2 hour)
Total - (4 hours; less recommended to keep babies happy)

Wow. Life has changed quite a bit with the kids....accept for the traffic jam.

My 31 month old toddler :-)

Toddler is beggining to understand the concept of time. Every sentence she speaks is peppered with something related to time. She is busy practising her new knowledge. Little showoff. :-)

"Mummy, mummy, just now daddy watch T (TV), tonight we play colour pencils, next time we see kong kong (grandpa) again huh? Tomorrow we go mall. Afterwards daddy come home."

She is also busy practising her understanding of positions and shapes.

"I am beside baby." Then she runs behind me and says; "I am behind mummy" and quickly runs in front of me again and says "I am in front of mummy".

"Mummy, mummy, triangle (points to a piece of cake), circle-round and round (points to the plate), skare (square) (points to a box)."

The world is such an exciting place for toddler. There is so much to learn, see and experience. Its just like the time when she first learned to recognise colours. Suddenly the world around us became so colourful as she described everything in technicolour.

"Mummy, mummy, blue sky, white clouds, green trees, red bark bark (referring to her toy dog), pink swimming put (referring to her swimsuit), purple (points to her barney)."

She also makes the cutest of remarks.

"Mummy, see? Got red colour pencil." pointing to the little scratch marks she had made on her legs where the mosquito had bitten her. She had scratched it until it bled. Ouch!

A few days later....
"Mummy, see? Got koko crunch, the leg there." pointing to the dried crusts where she had scratched her legs until it bled. Aaawww....

The world is not only exciting for toddler, it is exciting for mummy and daddy to watch her grow. One of the best parts of being parents is watching your child go through their development milestones one by one. Oh, the things money cannot buy...

Listen Harder

Toddler: "Mummy, mummy, where's the yoghurt?"
Mumsgather (washing dishes): "Afterwards mummy give."
Toddler: "Mummy, mummy, where's the yoghurt?"
Mumsgather (still washing dishes): "Afterwards mummy give."
Toddler: "Mummy, wheres the yoghurt?"
Mumsgather: "Wait, afterwards mummy give."
Toddler: "Mummy, mummy, wheres the yoghurt?"
Mumsgather: "Wait! Afterwards mummy give."
Mumsgather (muttering under breath): "Why must you ask the same question 10 times?"
Toddler: "Mummy, mummy, where's the yoghurt?"
Toddler: "Yoghurt in the fridge, mummy."
Mumsgather (slaps forehead): "Oh yes, yes, of course you are right. The yoghurt is in the fridge."

Smart toddler, bad mummy.
Moral of the story: Take time to listen to your children. (Or..... be prepared to repeat yourself 10 times).

Deprived childhood ;-)

Ever noticed how parents always try to give their children things they never had or wish they had?

We will wish upon our children all the things we wish we had when we were growing up. Music lessons, ballet, taekwando, swimming, etc. The poor children these days gets all these stuffed up their faces whether they like it or not. (I think if I were to have the kind of schedule that the kids have today, I would be one stressed up individual.) Of course some do it not because they were deprived but to keep up with the Joneses. I think thats totally wrong and senseless. But thats another story...

However, we have fallen into this parenting trap of trying to give them things we didn't have. I'm talking about toys here because my children are still young. Hubby likes to buy toys for the young ones because he had very few toys when he was young. So now he buys, and he buys those that he wished he had. I think he likes his remote control car better than the kiddos. My girl has many 'boy' toys because guess who's been buying toys again?

We are guilty of spoiling them with too many toys but hey, children learn through play and exploration so let them play. (but I will remember to teach them to treasure their toys though and not to take excesses for granted - spoken like only the guilty would. hehe)

My father was the same. I remember having a roulette set and father enjoyed playing with it much more than me. Bro-in-law likes tractors and construction toys. He has a sandpit in his garden and he enjoys 'driving' his little dump trucks, cranes etc more than his kiddos. He says its stress relieving when sis teases him about it.

And me? Well, I like dolls and playing dress up with barbie and doll houses. Oh I can't wait till daughter is old enough so I can play with them on the pretense of getting them for her. Hehehe.

Food Wars

I have yet to meet a couple who does not fight about food. "What to eat?", "Where to eat?" "How to cook it?" Theres so many things to fight about. Ain't life interesting?

Some of the complains I've heard:

"Aaargh! I must chop the chicken just right, into tiny, tiny pieces or else he will complain non-stop."
"My husband is soooooo boring. He never wants to try anything new."
"Why do you always want to eat out?"
"Why do you always want to eat in?"
"He doesn't know how to control himself when it comes to food. Always eating the fatty part of the meat. How to solve his health problem!?"
"Why are we always eating the same old thing?"
"I'm soooo tired of cooking. Why don't you ever help to do the dishes?"
and so on and so forth..

Hubby and I are no exception. Oh. We have had many, many food wars. But somehow over the years, we have learned to compromise with each other, now we only have small battles, not full-fledged war.

We're as different as night and day when it comes to food (amongst other things). I am more adventurous when it comes to food. I like to try new things and I enjoy variety. Hubby likes to stick to the tried and tested (tasted).

Over the years, I have learned that its not so bad to stick to the tried and tasted. We eat the same thing everytime for certain meals on certain days. I could call this boring but these days, I find it so convenient. I don't have to worry about what/where to eat. When you have two small children to care for and very little time, any time saved is time well spent. So, not having to think about what to eat or wait for your food to be prepared and served is a lifesaver. Besides, it is very easy to please my man, just find out his favourite and cook them over and over and over again. So easy. No need to crack my head over what to cook. No need to think of what vegetables and meats to buy. Just head to the same section every week. Saves soooo much time!

I have also learned to get my variety while hubby gets his staple. For example if we take McD, hubby will have his Big Mac everytime while I eat fish, chicken, prawn, nuggets and whatever variety I can get from there.

Hubby has also learned to adapt to my everchanging tastes and tries new things with me once in a while. Hey, sometimes when trying new things, he discovers a new favourite that we could eat over and over and over again. Hehe.

All this talking about food is making me hungry! Got to go now and check out whats in the fridge.

Festival Friends

Ah..the holiday season is here. Christmas, New Year, Chinese New Year. This means that very soon I shall be meeting up with my "festival friends". These are friends who do not keep in touch for the whole year. We meet up only once a year and have small "chatter" like:

"Wah. You have put on so much weight."
"Wah. Your boi boi so big already. I didn't know you had one." (Of course. You didn't bother to keep in touch)
"But...but...I did keep in touch. Didn't you receive all my forwarded mails?"
"Where are you working now?" (then they proceed to pop out their latest name cards with the fanciest of titles and pass those around gleefully declaring "You're STILL working at the SAME place???" or "You've stopped working??? What do you do at home ALL day???"

Its sad but friends come and friends go and few stay with you for life. People grow apart so easily. Its hard to find and keep good friends. With the kind of technology we have today its easy to keep in touch. Type, type, type and click and you're in touch but then people prefer to just "click" ie "one click does it all". Just click a forwarded mail to a "group" of "friends" and consider that as keeping in touch. Tsk. Tsk.

My best friends in the world are my husband and my sisters. I'm going to try my best to make sure that my kids become the best of friends. I feel very sad when I see siblings that don't get along because your family will remain with you for life while friends come and friends go.

Mid Life Crisis.

I'm mad. I'm seeing red. Because I just heard that a relative of mine is getting a divorce because of a third party. A result of too many business trips overseas, her husband has now got a "sweet young thing" (SYT) from overseas and has put her up in a house here to do her studies. His terms on not divorcing? I stay with you and the kids on 1,3,5 (Mon, Wed, Fri) and 2,4 with SYT. He now stays with SYT and comes to see his family which includes two young boys below 15 once a week on Sundays!

Relative went overseas with SIL and private investigator to confront SYT's parents but they told her "You can't keep your husband, thats your business." Aparently in approval of their daughters actions.

Aarrhhh.....!! I'm so mad! Got no brains ah? Or brains went inside the pants! If want to 'gatal' or no longer care for the wife, its bad enough but pleaaaazzeee think about your kids. How can anyone be so irresponsible?? I don't get it. I really don't!

Relative is in depression, does not want to talk to anyone, just laughs to herself or sits staring quietly. Her parents are worried. Its hard on everyone because they have relied on her a little bit financially. Her father and sister works with Mr Irresponsible. She's not working although she has helped from time to time in Mr Irresponsible's business.

I have a friend recently divorced, who had a very tough time in courts working out on settlements.

Why do marriages break down? Why are some people so irresponsible they don't think about their children? Why do women get the short end of the stick when it comes to things like that? (especially sahw). Why? Why? Why?

My mood right now :

The First Time.....

Blogging about Outing with Baby yesterday brings back fond memories about going out with baby in tow for the very first time. I think most parents will treasure this special memory. I remember how my friend laughingly related the story about how he and his wife went out with baby the first time without bringing anything for baby. They just coolly strolled out of the house with baby and forgot baby's all important luggage. I didn't understand it then because I didn't have any kids then but now I do.

Luckily my baby's 'luggage' is always light because of the beauty of breastfeeding. Baby's food is always available and always at the right temperature. No need to lug along bottles etc. Just one or two extra diapers, some tissue and small plastic bags to dispose of the diapers in a civic manner. Have seen mothers throwing diapers into open sinks meant for washing hands. Aarrghh..!!!

Anyway, the first time we went out with baby (apart from doc visits) was to buy a stroller/pram for baby. It was very exciting, letting baby try out the different strollers to see which one she liked best. In the end, we settled for a brightly coloured yellow pram which we redeemed from our shopping points. We used it straightaway and when it was time to leave, we realised that we did not know how to fold up the pram!

So there we were, struggling with it for 10 minutes or more in the car park.

Husband: "Do you know how to close this thing?"

Mumsgather: "Wait, let me read the instructions. Pull that lever over there." (struggling to read while holding baby)

Husband: "Which lever? Which lever?" (breaking out into cold sweat especially since there was a waiting vehicle)

Mumsgather: "There, there, that one" (points to the diagram)

And so we struggled along for quite a while. We eventually folded the pram and got out of the car park but the car waiting for the space must have been cursing "Stupid couple!" (Hmm...wait until you become a parent!)

Bringing baby out in the stroller is a whole new experience. Until today, I dare not use the escalators with the pram. That is husband's "job" in my household.

Outing with Baby

Once baby comes along, going out will never be the same again. No more getting ready slowly and strolling out of the house leisurely. Nope. Every outing, even if its to run a simple errand requires careful planning, coordination and speed! (ie before the babies become hungry, sleepy, fretty and wet their diapers etc).

I had to do some banking on Saturday. So, on Friday night husband and I started planning for our 'bank excursion.'

"What time do we need to reach the bank?"
"What time should we wake the kids?"
"How long do we think it will take?"
Once we get there, it will be difficult for husband to handle a baby and a toddler in the car while searching for a car park. So "who will take the baby and who will take the toddler?"

It was eventually decided that I would wear baby in a sling while doing my banking and husband will keep toddler with him in the car. Maybe some kind samaritan will give me his place in the queue if he sees baby (hehe) or maybe some ugly soul will try to snatch my handbag when he sees me with baby (hmm).

So Saturday came and we did our morning rush. Wake the kids, feed and change them.

Baby protests loudly while being changed. "Don't worry baby, mummy is changing your diaper so you will be dry and nice."
Child psychologists says: Talk to baby when changing for better bonding and to promote language growth.
Mumsgather says: Yah, sure. So that they will grow up and be a playful toddler who runs away from you while being changed (but talks to baby anyway).

Toddler runs around gleefully, hopping and smiling happily. "Come here and bring your jeans right now. You want to go "kai kai" or not? Come here or else we won't go to the mall."
Child psychologists says: Never bribe your kids. They will learn the wrong things.
Mumsgather says: Heck. I don't care. We're running late and its the only way to get toddler dressed quickly.

So off we go to the bank, everyone happy in the car. Baby scans the scenery of passing cars and buildings while toddler sings her own version of nursery rhymes loudly. When we reached the bank, there was no one there. It was shut!

Husband: "Why is the bank shut?"
Mumsgather: "You ask me. I ask who?"
Mumsgather: "I'm sure it should be open today. I did my calculations. Its not the first Saturday of the month." (But the bank remain closed).

Oh no. Now I would have to go through this again on another Saturday with the kids. So lets see. Next Saturday is the third Saturday and the following Saturday its Christmas. So how to do my banking this month? I can only go on Saturdays and my time frame to get my banking done is December. Ah...who would know that such a simple thing like this ie banking would require so much planning and thought.

We eventually found out that the bank in Petaling Jaya was closed because it was a public holiday for Selangor. Its my own fault. I should have called up the bank first but then I was trying to save time because this particular bank (mumsgather does not do name dropping unless its in praise) is perpetually understaffed and thats why it has a phone that is perpetually engaged or rings perpetually with no one answering.

Mumsgather mood on Saturday

Saving for the childrens' future

With the car sold off, hubby and I are looking into saving for our childrens' education. I've read that one is supposed to start saving when the baby is still in the womb. Really? Sounds a bit far fetched to me. When I was pregnant, all I could think about apart from the welfare of baby was ....ummm....ah...."7-up/sprite". Yup. I craved for 7-up. Whenever I got to drink it, I felt like a drug addict. Of all things to have a craving for. Now why couldn't I have craved for something more nutritious instead of all that sugary empty calories thats so bad for baby. I felt guilty drinking but couldn't help myself. Oops, I'm digressing.

Anyway, we are having a headache. There are so many things to consider. Should we just buy a children's education policy? Now, that surely that would be easier. Just pay a fixed amount every month...but then the returns are low.....but then there's protection, in case anything happened to us.

Hmmm...what about putting aside some money in the bank every month. (Calculate. Calculate.) That would give us more at the end of the period than the education policy. But...would we have the discipline to put aside some money (the same amount) every month? If we put the money in the bank, in whose name should it be? Hubby or mine or joint or as trustees for the children themselves?

What about investing the money. Now that would surely give much better returns. But then it would require a lot more monitoring. Again, would we be disciplined enough?

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Better do some homework before deciding. Yup, I'm going to put links from my 'homework' right here in my little cyber filing cabinet for easy reference as usual. I've got 'free google search this site' facility but don't know how to put the code in. NVM, it still works so I can use it for searching my own articles for reference when I need it. Hee hee. Very kiasu. Sign up for all the freebies for my blog.

Here are my links:

Articles

Education Planning
Education Planning For Children
Investing in Education: A Closer Look
Teaching Children About Money(this one not relevant at this point but for some future point)

Insurance

Bank 1's Education Plan I
Bank 1's Education Plan II
Bank 2
Bank 3

Will add more links when I come across them

Children's Savings Accounts

Bank 1
Bank 2
Bank 3
Bank 4
Bank 5

Education Savings Calculator

Calculator 1

Calculator 2

Roseola

I blogged about baby having fever the other day. It turned out that he had roseola. I have read in many articles that the fever in roseola typically lasts around 3 days and followed by a rash which lasts for about 1 day. Toddler had it before she turned 2 and her symtoms were exactly as described.

However baby's fever lasted 1 day and the rash 3-5 days. This got us worried because it wasn't as described 'by the books'. Often as parents we worry about anything and everything. Is baby eating well, gaining well, etc etc. The list is very long. When they have a fall or when the are ill we worry even more. Worry, worry, worry.....

Good thing he is better now. Baby has also just discovered that he can make some other noise other than cry. So he is busy practising his babble all day long. He would go "Va, va, va, va...". Toddler tries to imitate him so she goes "Va,va,va,va....." and they have a brother sister conversation that way. Toddler also likes to play "peek a boo" with baby. She would turn her head away from him then suddenly turn around to look at him and say "baby" and baby would squeal with laughter and excitement like its the funniest joke he has ever seen. It is so nice to see them play together.

Murphy's Laws of Parenting

Received this in my email subscription yesterday. I like it. So I'm going to put it right here in my little cyber filing cabinet. :-)

1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up in the morning
2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it
5. Your child is always the one that doesn't behave
6. If the shoe fits, its expensive
7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it
8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet
9. Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom
10. The more challenging the child, the more rewarding it is to be a parent...sometimes
11. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
12. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over "whose day it is to take out the trash" ends.
13. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
14. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
15. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.
16. Sick children recover miraculously when the doctor enters the treatment room.
17. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
18. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.
19. Trying to dress an active little one is like trying to thread a sewing machine while it's running.
20. Here are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and their mother's age.
21. Leaving your house while your kids are at home is like trying to shovel the driveway during a snowstorm.
22. Kids really brighten a household. They never turn off any lights.
23. An alarm clock is a device for waking people up, who don't have small kids.
24. Shouting to make your kids obey is like using the horn to steer your car and you get about the same results!
25. Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
26. A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
27. A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
28. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
29. Familiarity breeds children.
30. For adult education, nothing beats children
31. Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.
32. The best thing to spend on your children is time.
33. Those who say they 'sleep like a baby' haven't got one.
34. Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.
35. If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

Reproduced with permission from Kidsgrowth.com

Its hard to say goodbye

Its all over now. You belong to someone else now. I can no longer call you mine.

I still remember the first time I saw you. It was way back in 1997. It was quite close to Chinese New Year and everyone was in a festive mood. You looked very bright. Father was there and he approved :-) I couldn't wait to take you home to show off to everyone.

You have been with me for so long now. I'm sorry if I didn't take care of you the way you took care of me. You sheltered me from the wind, rain and storms. You were there when the sun shone and still there when the sky turned dark. We've been to so many places together. You took me to work everyday and for holidays too. I shall miss you now that you're no longer here.

But its all over now. I've signed the papers yesterday. I don't think I will see you ever again.

Yup, I've finally sold my old, faithful car. Now I'm truly a housebound, housewife without any transport. Help!!! The car was bought in 1997 with help on the downpayment by boyfriend (then), husband (now) but of course yours truly paid for all the instalments herself. :) Husband always complains "I bought you the car, you never take care of it." (Eh, I paid the instalments myself mah.) He will not let me forget the fact that I returned to the sales office after consulting with him to tell the salesperson that I preferred to pay a bigger downpayment so that I could settle the instalments in 3 years instead of 5. (He he. Smart yah? Since he would be paying the downpayment).

Its the most wonderful time of the year

December....Its the most wonderful time of the year. A time for celebrations, vacations, reflections and resolutions. A time to clear annual leave, attend family gatherings, go on holiday with family and friends, not to mention a time to eat and have fun.

In enjoying ourselves, let us not forget the old, the sick and the less fortunate. Every year, hubby and I try to do our little bit by contributing a small amount to those who need it. This year I will be sending cards to three very special people. A brave little baby boy Ryan, his sister Jayne and their mummy who loves them very much.

I hope anyone reading this can do their little bit to make a little boy's wish come true. Do read more about baby Ryan and his wish for the New Year at 5XMom's blog.

Why I blog

When I first came across blogs while surfing some time ago, I shook my head and thought to myself "these people too free, got nothing else better to do." (Now hubby says that of me). I have been trying to get hubby to join me in blogging but......(hopefully one day he will because I believe it is something he would enjoy too.) Thanks to 5XMom and Twinsmom and their lovely blogs, I have discovered the fun of blogging.

Here is 10 top reasons why I blog:

1. I want to create my own mini, personalised, parenting website/resource.
2. Its nice to keep a journal of my childrens' development.
3. I enjoy writing. Its therapeutic.
4. Writing helps me organise my thoughts.
5. I now have an outlet for my 'creative juices'. I love to fiddle around with my templates.
6. I enjoy the camaraderie between fellow bloggers.
7. I learn a lot about people by reading other blogs.
8. Blogging has opened up a whole new way of communicating.
9. Blogging adds humour to my day.
10. I get a 'kick' when others visit my blog. Its nice when they leave a comment to share their own experience with me. (Cheap thrill. Haha.)

No Smoking on this blog

Smoking is bad for you.

1. It can kill you or people around you (If you accidentally light a spark at a petrol kiosk for example).
2. Even if it doesn’t kill you, it can make you very ill causing you a great deal of pain
3. It will make you poorer. Once you have started smoking, you will complain each time the price of cigarattes go up but you can’t stop yourself from smoking. If you become ill it will drive your expenses up even further.
4. Smoking makes you ugly. You will have yellow, discoloured teeth and bad breath.
5. It will lower your immunity
6. You will not learn a more healthy and better way to destress because each time you feel stressed, you will smoke. If you realise that smoking is bad for your health, you will feel even more stressed after you smoke. It’s a vicious cycle.
   

So how then do you stop a loved one from smoking? You can’t. No amount of nagging, yelling or pleading will get your spouse or children to stop smoking because it is an addiction. Worse, if you nag, they will start smoking secretly behind your back causing them more stress (lies and deceit are stressful unless they have no conscience) and what do smokers do when they are stressed? (Smoke of course). On your part, you may resort to suspicious behaviour and tactics like checking for signs of smoke, cigaratte packs etc and there is a loss of trust in your relationship with your spouse/children.

So, the best way is to not let them start smoking in the first place. It is up to me as a mum to educate my children on the ill effects of smoking. And I shall be drumming to them the items above as soon as they are old enough to be influenced by the advertisements and movies that potray smoking as cool, stylish and the in-thing to do. Smoking is not cool! The sexy siren and hunk of a hero you see on the screen only looks cool because they have been made to look cool. It is up to me to tell my children otherwise before they start spreading their wings eager to try out new things, before they become young impressionable adults, easily influenced and faced with peer pressure. Yes, it is up to me as a parent to educate them not to take up smoking.

My husband is an ex-smoker. He has stopped smoking for a year now and I am very proud of him. Stopping is NOT easy. It is an addiction. The motivation to stop has got to come from within. I have yet to meet a person who stops smoking for their girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife. Even with the motivation, its still not easy. My husband has stopped smoking before, for a year but started again several years later. Yes, many ex-smokers still feel like smoking years after they stop. You have got to have extreme self-discipline not to reach out for that stick of cigaratte when you feel like it.

My husband once told me that smokers share a special bond. He paints a pretty cosy picture for me about how nice it is to huddle under a five foot way sheltering from the rain and chatting with another smoker. Being young and impressionable myself, once upon a time, I even helped my boyfriend (then)/husband (now) light up his cigarattes when we went drinking so I could err...bond with him? Ha ha. I recently told him that "Oh I understand this 'bond' you are talking about now. Its just like the bond that we breastfeeding mothers have with each other." Husband probably thinks I'm cuckoo as usual.

I have many friends, girlfriends included who smoke and continue to do so even though they have health problems like high blood pressure and kidney problems. It is really, really hard to stop smoking once you have started and often people start when they are young, before they know any better or are too young and reckless to care or worry about their health when they grow older. Eventually, when they do know better, they feel stressed because they know it is bad for their health but still they cannot stop. Of course there are also those who could not care a toot, who will tell you that "My grandfather smoked till his deathbed at 89 years old." (You may not be as lucky as your grandfather ok?)

I did not nag my husband to stop. He did it on his own. I have often told him "You know how bad smoking is for your health. I want you to be around as long as you can for me and for our children but I will not nag you to stop. You do it, please, at your own pace and when you are ready." I also offered to give him many foot massages which I am guilty of not quite fulfilling. Oh dear, but luckily he understands. Many years ago, I had bought a book on "How to quit smoking." Of course I tried to get husband to read it (which he didn't) but it was more for myself. I think to support a loved one to stop smoking you have to first understand how they will feel when they are attempting to quit. And even more important, is to drive the message to our children that smoking is bad, bad, bad for them.

I feed you, you feed me..

Today I started baby on homemade "Stage 2" solid food. (Bye bye blender. Yeah!) He seems to like it. (Another yeah!)

Hubby seldom helps to feed the kiddoes. His excuse? "You are much better at it than me. " or "You do it so well." (Yah right. But then after receiving a compliment like that yours truly goes and feed baby etc happily.) I must try this trick too. "Darling, can you help to change baby's diaper? You are sooooo good at it." Yah. Its certainly worth a try.

Hubby's contribution during feeding times is to feed me as I'm feeding baby. Sometimes when he notices that its rather late and I haven't had dinner and still have to breastfeed baby first, I will find slices of pizza or oodles of noodles being shoved into my mouth by hubby while I'm feeding baby.

Toddler must have picked up on this scene because as I'm feeding baby his solids today she tried to feed me her drink from her barney straw cup. Now trying to feed baby while your face is being blocked by this big pink bottle with a purple dinasour is not easy but much, much better than feeding a picky toddler while balancing a crying baby on your lap only to have toddler spit up every bit of your "time is so precious prepared food." :-))

Empathy vs. Resentment

Husband: "How do you want to seal the envelope. By glue or stappler?"
Wife : "Anything will do, you decide."
Husband: "I mean, how do you normally do it?"
Wife : "Just do it lah! Why everything also must ask me."
Husband: "Hey! Its your cheque I'm sealing. You're acting as if its MY job."
Wife : (face black like charcoal) thinking "Why must I be the one to do everything around here."
Husband: (face black like charcoal) thinking "Why must I be the one to do everything around here."

Sounds petty? Why do couples fight about the most ridiculous things. If you look deeper its easy to see. There is always a bigger underlying issue. In this case its "division of household chores and baby/childcare." No matter how you divide its hard to find a balance when both parties feel rushed and stressed.

In my household, we have the traditional, husband = main breadwinner/wife = minister of home affairs role. Back in our parents time, there was no conflict because the roles were clearcut. These days its different though. We get drummed into us that men must take a more involved role in childcare and the wife although home all day is doing "work" too so she needs a break when husband comes home. Husbands not being used to this new role (because their dads did not do this) feels resentment when doing it and wifes feels resentment when they don't. How not to feel resentment when your "work is 24/7 and you don't get any breaks, certainly no lunch break, not even a toilet break and not even at night.

Tough! But not so hard to resolve actually. All it takes is a little bit more empathy to replace the feelings of resentment. Here is my example:

Dinner time: I need EMPATHY for poor hubby who has been working hard all day dealing with difficult people and impossible bosses in a stressful environment. He needs to chill out and eat dinner while watching his favourite show on tv instead of the RESENTMENT I feel thinking "Why can't he help me feed toddler or baby so I can at least eat in peace just once today."

Leisure time: I need EMPATHY for poor hubby who has been thinking hard all day trying to write his reports and trying to manage his staff. He needs to chill out by fixing his pc game so he can conquer the world in Civilization III (the game) instead of the RESENTMENT I feel thinking "I've had no relief ALL day dealing with the SILMULTANEOUS whining of a toddler and baby crying. Why can't you help pick baby up so I don't have to still deal with this on my own now that you're home."

Bedtime: I found EMPATHY at last for poor tired hubby who has fallen asleep on the floor too tired to watch his favourite show or play his pc game so I quietly get the kids ready for bed without any feelings of RESENTMENT and off we go to read our books and sing our songs until they both fall asleep happy and contented and I even had the time to give hubby some reflexology after that which he loves.

I guess all it needs is a bigger dose of EMPATHY to replace the feelings of RESENTMENT and to lower our expectations just a little as well as to be a bit more relaxed about everything. Not everything needs to be resolved or done RIGHT NOW!

Another rule is FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS A REACTION. Hmm.. I'm still trying to drum this concept into hubby. When he speaks to me with a frown on his face and a "tsk tsk" I get mad and he will ask me "What are you so mad about? I'm just asking you a question. I'm not criticising you, just annoyed at the situation, not you." Hubby cannot understand why I am so affected by the 'look on his face.' Maybe this is a universal battle of the sexes kind of thing or maybe its just me....... Frankly, I have not quite figured this out yet at the point of writing. :-)

Look Ma, No Hands

Baby who just turned 7 months has recently learned to sit on his own without support. He looks totally adorable, like a little botak head, china doll wobbling about and tumbling left and right. Now he complains a lot when put down on a mattress because he wants to practise his new skill all day. Baby must be thinking "Hey! Sitting up is fun! I can see so many things from a different view!"

Ah... one of the greatest joy in parenting is watching your child go through their development milestones one by one. Hmm better enjoy his toothless grin while I still can before he starts teething.

Fever

Baby 7 months has his first fever so I'm going to post a few links here for easy reference instead of searching everytime baby is ill.

Fever (0-12 Months) Definition of fever, how to bring down a fever and when to call a doctor

Fever Fighters How to cool baby down

Febrile Seizures in Children What parents want to know about febrile seizures

Does teething cause a high fever? Q & A with dentist

Teething tots General teething article including how to ease teething discomfort

Count to Ten

I am impatient and quick tempered and here I am trying to teach my toddler to be patient. Now how on earth does an impatient person teach another to be patient? (scratch head). I guess the teacher has to learn too.

I learn a lot from my children, everyday. Having kids is fun! Its like being a kid again seeing the world through their eyes. Right now, my daughter is giving me lessons on how to be a good listener.

Rule #1. Look the other person in the eye.
My daughter teaches me that to be a good listener you have to look the other person in the eyes when they are talking. If I just nod when she is speaking, she will think that I am not listening (which is true half of the time). So she will call me again and again and again till I look at her right in the eye before she starts speaking.

Rule #2. Give the other person you're listening to your undivided attention
Then I have to wait patiently until she completes her sentence which goes something like this "Mummy, mummy, mummy, ummh, err, ahh, ummph, err," (Actually she can speak a lot more than this but usually by the time she gets mummy's attention she has forgotten what she wanted to say so she mumbles.) Poor thing.

Rule #3. Validate, validate, validate
If I tell my daughter, "Oh yes, I see, you want me to take the balloon for you from the playpen." Now if that was what she was trying to tell me and I had listened correctly, my validation will leave her beaming with pride and happiness at being able to communicate this to mummy so effectively.

I have also taught daugther that she can't get what she wants by whining. I tell her to "talk properly", "tell mummy what you want, when you whine mummy cannnot understand what you're saying." She understands this so she will go "mummy, mummy, mummy" and then "maaaa...........mmmmyyy" (when she realises that she has been whining and cannot get my attention she will switch to talking very slowly and patiently just like mummy taught). So now mummy who is right in the middle of a task have to stop patiently (and count to ten) to listen.

I think its my daughter who is teaching me how to be patient not the other way around.

La la la la la.......

I love to sing. (the bathroom variety kind). In school I was part of the school choir and was very proud to be only one of three girls who were juniour ie in the form 1-3 category who were allowed to sing in the senior choir together with the older girls in the form4-5 category for competitions. Headmistress who headed the school choir herself was very strict and fierce and once made us all look for mirrors (halfway through a song) to hold in front of our faces to make sure we were smiling and looked like we were happy to sing. One big event was going to KL to sing (I was studying in Kuantan at the time) for a competition.

Once upon a time, when I was single and had a lot of time, I even took singing lessons at the Singing Shop together with my girlfriend. It was very much like going for weekly expensive karaoke sessions but it was a lot of fun to have a tape recording of your own singing to laugh at afterwards. We were taught how to breathe and pronounce the words so that we would sound more melodius. Eventually we sat for a singing test.

My singing instructor, a Filipino with a beautiful voice chose a rather difficult broadway number for me called "On My Own". Yah, it was a difficult number and I felt all "on my own" during the test singing in front of several instructors and students. In my mind, I did not look like I was enjoying singing at all. I looked like I was being tortured being made to stand there quivering in my small voice. Ha ha. Its a wonder I passed. Anyway, my girlfriend and I dropped out before we got to the stage where we had to perform in front of a real audience. Its a pity as I often wondered how I would do trying to overcome my fright singing on stage in front of a big audience.

These days, I have my very own audience at home. They love my singing. My singing makes baby smile and smile and sometimes fall asleep and it never fails to make my toddler sing along. I can sing and dance with my babies and they love it and so do I. The more expressive I become, the more they love it. I must have passed on my love of singing to toddler as she is always singing at the top of her voice. My favourite is toddler's rendition of Barney's "I love you".

Lyrics from Barney's version

I love you, you love me, we're a happy family,
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,
Won't you say you love ... me.... too.....

Lyrics from Toddler's version

Mummy Ma, Myy Mummy, Mummy mummy, myy mummy,
Mummy ma mmy, ma myy, myy ma mmy, mummy,
Mummy, mummy, myy.... maa........mmy....

She would apply her own lyrics like this or sometimes replace it with 'daddy' or 'baby' etc to any other music that she knew well. Cute!

Where are the mothers?

Every Sunday, hubby takes toddler to the park and usually if baby is sleeping I will take the chance to get some extra snooze. Recently we took toddler "swimming" (No she hasn't learned how to swim yet, only walk around the kiddies pool pushing her tortoise and duck around) and she loves it. So when confronted with a "Do you want to go to the park or go swimming?" the answer was a firm "SWIMMING!" (She leaves us in no doubt to her preference for her chance to play with water without being scolded by mummy).

So we took her "swimming" all dressed up like a little balerina in her sweet pink swimsuit. Baby came along too and sat on mummy's lap kicking his legs in the water. In the pool I noticed two other kids accompanied by their fathers. So where are the mothers? Probably busy catching up on sleep or cooking in the kitchen or mopping the floor or looking after baby and missing all the fun!

Mummies are often too caught up with all the "this and that has to be done" they forget to enjoy themselves (yours truly included). I would often worry about, baby getting too much sun, the washing that needs be done afterwards, baby needs to be fed porridge after the swim, I have to cook etc etc the list is very long. Oh yes, I also worried about not being able to get into my swim suit and the bulges everywhere but then I remembered my fellow blogger(5XMom)'s blog about the mummy who had only one leg enjoying herself. Shame on me!

So many times, I miss out on the fun at the park because of my worry about feeling rushed after returning because there is so much to do. Of course after the short "swim" there were loads to be done and the two of them had to be bathed and fed etc but the joy of playing with them in the pool and watching their happy faces cannot be replaced.

I must remember to enjoy myself more often and just do the chores afterwards matter of factly without worry or strive.

Its a pot, no..its a drum, microphone and mirror!

How to cook in the kitchen with a baby and a toddler? They're too young to help and its too dangerous for the toddler to be unoccupied in case she hurts the baby or herself charging near the stove. So this morning I gave toddler an old aluminium pot with a handle and cover plus a wooden ladle to play while I was fixing their lunch.

Toddler first started to play "cooking" like mummy by stirring into the empty pot with her wooden ladle, then she tried to feed her teddy bears with her "porridge". (Of course she tried to feed the baby first but I stopped her.) She gave baby the cover which was shining and resembled a mirror. Baby held the cover and stared at it with such intensity it was funny to watch him. Maybe he was thinking what a handsome little fella he was.

Then toddler decided it was more fun to turn her pot over and beat it with the ladle. Now it had become a drum. She began banging on the pot very loudly and singing "do, re, mi" at the top of her voice. Soon, she discovered that if she held the pot in front of her face as she sang, she could hear her voice better with all the echos, so it was more singing at the top of her voice. Now baby can't decide whether to continue staring at the pot cover or at toddler having such fun.

Lunch was prepared and served in no time at all to my little scientist (toddler) and explorer (baby). :-))

Mummy, mummy play with me

3 years old

Mummy, mummy, play with me :-)

Not now hon, mummy's busy :-)

Mummy, mummy, play with me?

Mummy's sleeping, can't you see?

Mummy, mummy, play with me!

Not again! Please let me be!

7 years old

Mummy, mummy, read with me :-)

Not now hon, mummy's busy :-)

Mummy, mummy, read with me?

Mummy's cooking, can't you see?

Mummy, mummy, read with me!

Not again! Please let me be!

12 years old

Mummy, mummy, talk to me :-)

Not now hon, mummy's busy :-)

Mummy, mummy, talk to me?

Mummy's reading, can't you see?

Mummy, mummy, talk to me!

Not again! Please let me be!

17 years old

Honey, come and sit with me :-)

Not now mummy! I'm busy :-)

Honey, won't you sit with me?

I'm going out mummy, can't you see?

Honey, please sit with me!

Not again! Please let me be!

Moral of the verse: Play, read and talk to your children TODAY while they still want you to!

Credit and copyright: Me, I, Myself on this fine sunny morning

Source and Inspiration: My two lovely children

Memories of Mum

Mum died of cancer at 46 leaving behind dad and 5 kids ages 10, 14, 15, 17 & 18. I was the one who was 10. I had been told that I was an unplanned child, that mum wanted to give me away but dad said No. Eldest sis was mum's favourite. What a terrible thing to tell a child even if was true. It was only a few years ago when I became a mum myself and took out old photos to see if my daughter resembled me that I saw the look on my mum's face as she carried me (a toddler then) in her arms. She had a beautiful smile and her face was full of pride as she looked at me. (the same expression I find on my face when I look at my babies.) Mum must have loved me too.

I do not remember my mother very much. Only flashes here and there. Mostly of time spent helping mum around the house. Mum loved to cook and bake. We always had fresh nonya kuih and cakes for tea. Dad would complain about the mess mum made in the kitchen but he enjoyed the tea anyway. My memories of mum centred around helping mum cook. Mum taught me how to wash and cook rice. I was very proud of my abilities and happy to learn. I remember:

• peeling small onions till there were tears in my eyes and giving them to mum one by one as she pounded onions and chilies to make sambal, the smell of toasted belachan in the air
• helping mum wring out the water from towels, mum holding on to one end and me the other (back then there were no washing machines and mum had to sit on the floor to scrub the clothes). I enjoyed it because it gave me a chance to play with water
• watching mum wrap dumplings as she formed the "bak chang" for mid autumn festival
• eagerly putting on little red drops of colouring for eyes on the rabbit, fish and other shaped "kuih bangkit" after mum popped them out of the mold for Chinese New Year
• helping mum roll the multi coloured "kuih ee" (glutinous rice balls) as mum explained to me the significance of the "tang chek" festival
• threading the needle for mum's sewing machine. Mum thought me to wet the ends of the thread so it would be easier. Mum loved to sew. We had beautiful homemade embroided dresses to wear when we were kids.
• helping mum fold away clothes she had just ironed. We did not have an ironing board back then and mum would sit on the floor to iron on layers of cloth with dad's old sarong as the top layer.

Sadly, I also remembered mum's funeral and mum being ill. I remember being reproached when I ran away from mum's "rotan" after being naughty and mum was too ill to hit me further. Someone told me I would regret it when mum was no longer around. Its a heavy burden of guilt and regret for a child to carry.
I remember watching mum push away the numerous pills she had to take for her pain, her face filled with fear and disgust as she said "No more, they taste awful, no more, please." Mum was at home in her final days because she wanted to be. Luckily, there was a kind and gentle doctor who lived only two doors away who would come and change mum's drips etc. The day before she went away she was much better and could chat with the older relatives.

After she was gone, there was a flurry of activities as relatives arrived from far away. We were given a plastic bag of old black clothes of various sizes which everyone had to wear and pin what looked like white badges to me on our arms/sleeves. I remember feeling confused and must have smiled in my confusion because all of a sudden I felt the pitying looks of the relatives who said "Does she know what is happening?" "Of course I knew what was happening. Only I didn't know how to express it." Perhaps they wanted me to cry. No one bothered to explain anything to me or to talk to me. They were all too busy preparing the rituals.
We walked in a circle around the coffin and someone picked me up to look at mum for the last time. I saw mum's white face with tiny insects already flying around her open mouth. Perhaps someone should have thought of sparing me this last memory of mum.

The funeral was a long procession to somewhere very far away (to me). It was mum's wish to be cremated. The cremation back then was a bit crude, mum was placed on piles of logs and I watched mum go as they lit the fire. Perhaps I should have been spared that too. Mum had confided in eldest sis that she did not want us (her children) to walk through tall "lalang" and overgrown grass to visit her grave. So she chose to be cremated. Her ashes are kept in a beautiful urn in a temple in Penang, now a famous tourist attraction. Whenever we pay our respects to mum it is in a nice, clean environment as she wanted. Mum said to bring orchids when we visit as those are her favourite flowers. Mum was smart and she loved us and thought about us even when dying. Now a mum myself, I know how difficult it must have been for mum to leave us behind.
After mum left, I became dad's favourite. I suppose it was by default. The others had grown up and dad was lonely now that mum was gone so I was the only one he could still dote on. This in itself created some sibling rivalry occassionally. Its not that much fun to be a favourite under these circumstances.
These childhood memories have thought me to:

• let my children help in my chores. These are what memories are made of.
• never talk down to kids. They understand more than we realize. Always try to explain things to them
• give your children your time, its irreplaceable
• never favour one child over another, this creates unhealthy sibbling rivalry

My greatest fear is to leave my little babies. Who will take care of them? Who will love them? They are so young now. I intend to enjoy them and be there for them every step of the way. Thats why I am at home. I once told my hubby that if I died young that he would have to remarry so that my children would have a mum to love them but he must make sure that they remember me by constantly talking about me. I am not sure if new wife would like that. Haha. Hubby thinks I'm a nutcase but my fears are real.

Budding Emotions, Developing Vocabulary

My daughter’s emotional and speech growth is amazing. Being at home allows me to observe, teach and guide.

Her latest “sentences” are : “What’s happening?” when something isn’t going as planned accompanied by the cutest questioning look and she will raise her eyebrows just like mummy. I will then tell her “What you are doing is raising your eyebrows” and then we would have a little eyebrow game where mummy raises her eyebrows then she raises her eyebrows and we go back and forth and back and forth until she bursts with hilarious laughter.

Her second favourite sentence is “toys all over the floor” right after she has thrown them all over the house. The latter is of course is in imitation of mummy, only mummy has an expression of displeasure while hers is full of delight as she says “toys all over the floor!”

She is also learning to express various emotions. Often when I am scolding her, she will call me “mummy, mummy, mummy” to stop me in my tracks. Then she smiles at me rather nervously as though seeking approval or hoping I will smile back at her and recently right after smiling that nervous put on smile (very different from her sunshine smile) she will say “happy..” ie telling mummy to stop being angry at her. Now how can anyone stay angry?

When she cries after being scolded she would look at me through the tears in her eyes and ask “why girl-girl cry?” I would then explain to her “You cried because you were being naughty and got scolded by mummy but don’t worry “Mummy scold only when girl-girl is naughty because mummy sayang.”

One day, I saw her sitting next to baby as baby was crying and she was “scolding” baby “baby naughty” “beat, beat” and she proceeded to hit baby softly on his thighs. OMG the things she picks up from her parents!!