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Tuesday, June 30, 2009



Father and Child Bonding

I was worried for a long time because my son did not seem to bond very much with his father. At least, not the way his sister does. He always seems to want me only. He usually rejects his daddy.

I believe the reason is because, my husband spent a lot of time with my girl when she was a baby. He would hold her to sleep, help me bathe the girl, etc. And later on, when I was pregnant with my son and often tired, he would take the girl out with him to the park, supermarket etc so that I could get some rest. So he has a close bond with the girl.

When my boy was born, again, the same thing happen. He would often take the girl out so that I would have some relief to spend time trying to breastfeed the boy without interruptions because I had a lot of difficulties breastfeeding. He would still help me bathe the boy etc but his time had to be divided because he had to help me look after the girl.

As a result, my boy is not that close to him. They didn't get a chance to bond. I always try to find things for them to do together but it did not work. The boy always preferred me.

However, recently, I noticed that they have started to bond more. This is because my husband would spend every evening coaching the boy in his Maths. Oh, he is a fierce teacher and he would often scold the boy, sometimes till he cries but funnily, my boy now no longer rejects him and would look for him more and more now.

I believe that bonding is a process of doing things together. It need not only be fun activities. It should be daily activities. Bathing, feeding, talking, teaching. I believe that these daily simple activities are very important for parent and child bonding and if left to a domestic helper than you would have lost the most precious moments of bonding with your kids.

My husband had less opportunity to bond with his son the way he bonded with his daughter when she was a baby but I am happy that they are catching up now. Its not too late that they are catching up now when he is 5 years old. :) My husband shares a very special bond with my girl and soon, I hope he will have his own special bond with his son too. I am very glad to see this happening now. Before this, I was a bit worried.

Speaking of bonding, I feel that my husband and I share another bond now compared to those days when we were just a couple. This bond is the bond that comes from our mutual love for our children. :)

7 comments:

  1. ah...i'm in the same situation as you. my boy rejects the daddy 90% of the time :|. I hope someday this will change

    ReplyDelete
  2. I believe in fathers spending time with children too.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey...thanks for sharing....

    I will keep in mind when I have my #2....

    And the 'new' bond you share with your hubby brings a new perspective...that things change and it will be different and it IS ok and in fact expected and great!

    Makes me feel better that our marriage is not failing! :)

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  4. What you say is very true. I didn't bond with Amber the first year, I just didn't enjoy handling a baby whereas hubs was the one playing and talking to her most of the time. I did most of the caregiving task like bathing, feeding and changing her clothes. Now that I have a maid, I never ask my maid to help in Amber's needs. My little girl is much much closer to me now and we enjoy a special mummy daughter bond like bathing together and hugging each other while sleeping. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. two pixels,
    I hope so too.

    Jo-n,
    Fathers AND Mothers too.

    Ann,
    Our kids are the glue that stick us together.

    coffesncookies,
    Actually the caregiving tasks like bathing, feeding and changing clothes etc is all part of the bonding process. If you allow someone else to do these "hard" part of parenting than you've lost the opportunity to bond with your child. Bonding isn't only about doing fun things together.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love to read your post. thanks for sharing!
    Yes, parent-kids love bonding usually comes from regular daily routine activities.
    I myself always remember pretty little things between my mom/dad with me although it happened years ago.

    ReplyDelete
  7. henny,
    Its true what you say. I remember the little things I did together with my mum when I was little, like peeling onions, helping her to rinse and squeeze dry the laundry etc even tho she died when I was about 10. I remember all of them quite clearly.

    ReplyDelete

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