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Monday, July 04, 2005



The Confidence Factor

Self Confidence is the best make-up a gal could ever wear and its the most attractive trait in a man or anyone else for that matter. I must give my children lots of love and security so that they have high self-esteem which translates to self confidence. (Not overconfidence mind you cos thats boorish and not at all attractive).

I once had a friend in college who apologised to everyone for everything. Almost all of his sentences began with "I'm sorry..." or "I'm sorry but...". He was quite a rich kid. He drove a nice car to college when everyone was still learning how to drive. I remember during that time, at that age when one is just learning how to drive, how exciting it was to go out with friends who drove ie in a friends car (instead of your parents car). Some of my girl friends took advantage of his kindness and lack of confidence by treating him like a driver. Poor Chap! He drove them around hoping to be popular cos those girls were pretty and popular. You can't help but feel sorry for him. I wonder what made him that way. Rich kid with a nice car and such low self esteem. Poor little rich boy.

I must admit that when I was in my late teens ie around Form 4 and 5, I too had very low self esteem. At that time dad had just moved to PJ from Kuantan. We didn't have a house to stay then and my family was scattered everywhere. Eldest sis was still working in Kuantan, elder brother rented a room, second sis was in varsity in Penang and me and second brother bunked in with my aunt. Dad was also renting a room. Aunt was (naturally) unhappy (even though we paid her rental) to have her husband's brother's children living with her in her small single storey 3-room terraced house. It was incredible how so many of us managed to live in the house. Uncle, Aunty and their 2 sons shared a room. I shared a room with my 3 girl cousins and second brother shared a room with two house tenants whom aunt have rented out a 3rd room to. Simply incredible though watching a football match was extremely fun and noisy.

Not surprisingly, I only stayed there for a year in Form 4. And in Form 5 I told dad I wanted to move to Penang to be closer to second sis. (Although I hardly saw her when I was there since she was staying at the hostel in varsity). So off I went to stay with two aunts and an uncle who were still single. Looking back now, its no wonder how I had such low self-esteem and confidence and I cried a lot and felt very lonely and depressed then. No security of home. No immediate family to talk to.

Happy to say that I've found my esteem and confidence over the years. No more self image problems suffered as a teen and young adult. Perhaps outwardly, I may still not portray the image of a self-assured personality nor exude an air of self confidence that gives a person added charisma but at least now I feel good about myself inside and thats whats important. As 5xMom says, Live Begins at 40. So watch out world here I come. Hahaha. Anyway, the point of this post is to remind myself to give my children lots of love and security so that they grow up confident, self assured, secure and comfortable with themselves and their own achievements. Thats the best gift to a child a parent could ever give.

15 comments:

  1. like the tag in the end of your post, glad you found your esteem and confidence, so we all can have very nice blog to read now :D.

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  2. Yes lo I was almost the same situation like you in my younger days;parents could not afford anything,we were poor but at least now things are better for my family and my mum.

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  3. Honestly, where does confidence come from ? How to build up confidence? I mean, by giving lots of love and security, how does that boast the self confidence of a child? I have very low self esteem, due to my look and size (fat) which brings out alot more side effects. But anything not related to my looks, I have more confident with the things I am doing.

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  4. Confidence is good but impudence may carry adverse effect on almost every aspect in life.

    What I have learned from the past >14,000 days (mostly the last 5000 days) is that you don't have to be scholastic, rich or famous to be confidence, be yourself!

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  5. I agree with you MG.. :) Give our children alot of love and a listening ear.. instead of bashing them down all the time.. or comparing them with your friend's children are not the way to go.

    MrsT

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  6. twinsmom, thanks. :-)

    thquah, we learn to appreciate things better when we have to work for it, don't we?

    Jason, "I mean, by giving lots of love and security, how does that boast the self confidence of a child?"
    Good question. What I meant is its important to give a child unconditional love ie to let them know that you love them no matter what, even if they have buck teeth, is fat or whatever so that they'll learn self acceptance. Its important to listen to them. Its important to encourage them to try new things and to tell them its ok to fail occassionally. Blah, blah, blah... won't bore you lah cos I have tons more to say. ;)

    spectrakia, "What I have learned from the past >14,000 days (mostly the last 5000 days) "
    Hahaha. I like the way you phrase that. If I do my math, I'll know your age, yes?

    MrsT, Comparing is a no-no. Not with a friend's child or a sibling and especially not in front of them!

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  7. Thanks for the mention. Yeah, I am going to be one year old and loving it.

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  8. wow....its bizarre to note how similar our growing up days were. :) flashback down memory lane again. all that sharing bit. shessh.....paid rental oso kena teruk. horrid innit? but am glad those days are over.

    confidence is hard to collect but once u're on the go, u'll b fine. ;)

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  9. 5Xmom, so many first birthdays to celebrate. Your blog first birthday, your first birthday....

    yvylyn, I never understood why paid rental oso kena but I do now cos I wouldn't want loads of ppl living with me even with rental. :P

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  10. add some recognition, moderate praises as well as character-building criticisms too...i think tat'd help...din get much of those from my parents, which i think is a contributing factor to my low self-esteem but i do admit i myself is to blame for the big part of it, sigh.

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  11. I think in our culture, we are too quick to criticise and slow to praise. Thats part of the problem. We end up being too critical of ourselves.

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  12. I'm glad you're all okay now, otherwise we'd be reading some really angsty posts. :)

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  13. I'm not sure you'd be reading them tho. I don't like to read angsty posts.

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  14. not really mums...for me, it was more of wanting to avoid feeling obliged. if i pay for my lodging, then there is no reason for complaints. you ARE being compensated so why complain, right? ;)

    however, different folks have difference strokes.

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  15. what you say is very true but sometimes the person being compensated would perhaps have preferred not to be compensated but had to take on the extra logdgers out of familial obligation.

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