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I once had a friend in college who apologised to everyone for everything. Almost all of his sentences began with "I'm sorry..." or "I'm sorry but...". He was quite a rich kid. He drove a nice car to college when everyone was still learning how to drive. I remember during that time, at that age when one is just learning how to drive, how exciting it was to go out with friends who drove ie in a friends car (instead of your parents car). Some of my girl friends took advantage of his kindness and lack of confidence by treating him like a driver. Poor Chap! He drove them around hoping to be popular cos those girls were pretty and popular. You can't help but feel sorry for him. I wonder what made him that way. Rich kid with a nice car and such low self esteem. Poor little rich boy.
I must admit that when I was in my late teens ie around Form 4 and 5, I too had very low self esteem. At that time dad had just moved to PJ from Kuantan. We didn't have a house to stay then and my family was scattered everywhere. Eldest sis was still working in Kuantan, elder brother rented a room, second sis was in varsity in Penang and me and second brother bunked in with my aunt. Dad was also renting a room. Aunt was (naturally) unhappy (even though we paid her rental) to have her husband's brother's children living with her in her small single storey 3-room terraced house. It was incredible how so many of us managed to live in the house. Uncle, Aunty and their 2 sons shared a room. I shared a room with my 3 girl cousins and second brother shared a room with two house tenants whom aunt have rented out a 3rd room to. Simply incredible though watching a football match was extremely fun and noisy.
Not surprisingly, I only stayed there for a year in Form 4. And in Form 5 I told dad I wanted to move to Penang to be closer to second sis. (Although I hardly saw her when I was there since she was staying at the hostel in varsity). So off I went to stay with two aunts and an uncle who were still single. Looking back now, its no wonder how I had such low self-esteem and confidence and I cried a lot and felt very lonely and depressed then. No security of home. No immediate family to talk to.
Happy to say that I've found my esteem and confidence over the years. No more self image problems suffered as a teen and young adult. Perhaps outwardly, I may still not portray the image of a self-assured personality nor exude an air of self confidence that gives a person added charisma but at least now I feel good about myself inside and thats whats important. As 5xMom says, Live Begins at 40. So watch out world here I come. Hahaha. Anyway, the point of this post is to remind myself to give my children lots of love and security so that they grow up confident, self assured, secure and comfortable with themselves and their own achievements. Thats the best gift to a child a parent could ever give.
