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Thursday, July 27, 2006



Why Women Nag And Men Don't Listen

Because women like to talk (must say a few times to get the point across mah) and men like to pretend they are the strong, silent, macho type. Hahaha.

We women nag because the men don't listen and when we nag, they stop listening altogether. Its a vicious cycle, I tell you!

Do I nag? Yes I do. But only to my children. Not to my husband. At least I don't think so. (He may think otherwise since his standards are very different from mine and we operate on quite different wavelengths.) What he considers as "nagging" may just appear to me as "telling". Lol! Besides I feel that men are very good at tuning themselves off when we nag so I don't do it. Its a pointless exercise.

Why do I nag? I suppose its because I feel I have to say the same thing over and over again to get the message through. Sometimes I do sound like a broken record. I do it in the hope of reminding the children of things that I feel are important. I read an inspirational quote somewhere that "It is easier to bring up a child well than to fix an adult." How very true that is. So I better bring up my children well so they won't need fixing when they grow up.

Speaking of which, personally, I feel that I need a lot of fixing myself and its hard to do so when you're an adult. (I'm not saying that my parents brought me up badly). I did however lose a parent at a very young age of 10 and my confidence, self image etc is seriously lacking. Sometimes I'm such a timid mouse. My hubby sometimes asks me why I put on my best behaviour for strangers but I shout at him so freely? (I roar like a lion at him :P)

He is often at the brunt or the receiving end of the bad side of me. He says that the people close to me should get the best but he is getting the worst. Poor thing. So sorry, dear. Its true isn't it? Sometimes we put on our best behaviours for strangers but the people who are closest to us who should really receive our best side gets to see the ugly side of us simply because we're close, familiar with them and feel completely at ease with them. Strange isn't it? Strange but true.

Back to the subject of nagging. I really shouldn't nag so much at the kids though. Sometimes I do it not for the noble reason I mentioned above of trying to bring them up well but I nag because "I'm plain fed up!" I'm fed up of saying the same things over and over again with no results. And so I nag. "Keep your toys", "Stop playing with your food", "Come here now!", "Don't tear your books", "Stop fighting!", "Stop playing with the water","Stop jumping on the bed", "Don't climb on the table" blah blah blah. Thats part of my daily nags. My only nag to hubby is out of concern for the kids safety "Oi! Be careful with the kids lah" is probably the only time I "nag" him. Hubby doesn't have to nag the kids because he sees less of them. (another reason why men don't nag perhaps.)

Recently I overheard my girl scolding my boy. "Baby! *Scold. Scold. Scold.* How many times must I tell you!" and baby just went right on playing and pretended not to hear her. Hahaha. They're starting the stereotype behaviour young and a surefire sign to me to go easy on the nagging!

"I'm fed up!" is really such a poor excuse of a reason for nagging at the kids. I should really stop nagging and try to reason with them instead. I find the best time to do that is at bedtime where I'll try to give them their "lessons" on "why they shouldn't be doing this or that or why they should be good and not naughty". I also try to read to them lots of fables and moral storybooks about good behaviours and manners. Hopefully these calm chat sessions sink into their heads more effectively than nagging.

So.......do you nag?

22 comments:

  1. Of course I nag too! nag to the girls & my hubby...LOL

    Ever read an article, women will talk at least 7000 words in a day but men only talk 2000 words. Do u think this is true? :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yup,i am one naggy mummy to Damien and a naggy wifey to hubby..hahaha..;p

    But nowadays, i try not to nag at both of them. It can be irritating i think...no one likes to be nag..hehe..;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Champion nagger here! Throw in a sour face once in a while too. I agree that sometimes we take the people closest to us for granted. Must resolve this issue soon. There! It's in my 101 "Must do" list.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmm, it's woman's nature? :)

    I do nag.. have to. Nag the boys, hubby and maid. The boys when they are naughty, hubby when he doesn't move an inch to help and maid when she forgets everything I tell her and does work like a tortoise!

    What to do? We are left to handle the family.. so, it's us to nag. men sit there in a managed house.. so no need to nag *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't really nag, my hubby won't listen, he'll cabut from the scene! So I save my breathe, and if I beh tahan, I'll email him!

    ReplyDelete
  6. jesslyn,
    Its probably true. Hahaha.

    blurblur,
    Its irritating yet we still do it. Just mother nature at its work huh? (Another perfect excuse for nagging)

    immomsdaughter,
    Hi there Champion Nagger. Lol! Wow 101 to do list. Thats a lot. Good Luck!

    geetha,
    Men just sit there in a managed house. (*lightbulb goes on*) Aha! Thats why they don't need to nag. Maybe we should let them manage the house for a change and see if it turns them into naggers. Hahaha.

    shoppingmum,
    Lol! Yes nowadays we have email and sms don't we. I also have that bad habit of emailing or sending sms when I beh tahan dat time. kekekeke.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Everyone nags lar. We nag because we are concern about them mah.Hehe....Wat to do? But sure got limit lar.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Of course I nag.. I'm a woman.. and a mum!

    "Be careful ok?"
    "Don't jump on the sofa huh?"
    "Don't play with your drinking water huh?"

    etc etc.. It's heard throughout the day..

    As for hubby.. oh well, I do nag him occasionally, but I guess, he just turned deaf during those time..

    ReplyDelete
  9. *Hi Five* Count me in - another No. 1 nagger here. I'll always nag and nag but hubby will just listen and after I finished, he'll ask me "Finished? Feel more comfortable?" ... haiya ..... I'll just give him one of my sarcastic glares.

    ReplyDelete
  10. sabrina,
    Ya lor, we nag out of concern. Hahaha. Best excuse for nagging.

    zara's mama,
    If he turn deaf then use email or sms lor. P.S. Mine oso turned deaf to email and sms liao!

    tracy,
    Hahaha. Sarcastic look is good. Maybe we nag because we want to get the last word in. :P

    ReplyDelete
  11. I tried not too, but failed. Sometimes it is in my nature and I forget that I am nagging. If you want man to listen to what you are saying, give him a touch to get their attention or massage if you like.

    ReplyDelete
  12. We love our children that is why we nag for their own good and sames goes to hubby too. When you stopped nagging the love will stop eventually.

    ReplyDelete
  13. michelle,
    Men! Must touch or massage only can listen. Hahaha.

    hijackqueen,
    Great excuse! So next time hubby complains about my nagging I will go all innocent and say "Bbbut bbut bbbut I nag becos I love you!"

    ReplyDelete
  14. We don't nag....just sound like we are. That's what I like to think. :)
    I always tell my husband and kids, "Hey do the right thing and remember to do what you have to do and then it won't sound like I am nagging. Think I like to sound like I'm nagging? Such a waste of my energy!" That really made them think.
    OR.."Don't make me start nagging. Go clean up your room. Why should you make me nag just because you can't clean your room?" That's to my daughter
    I always remind my husband and kids that I never used to nag until I got married and have kids....the white hair is proof.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Your sentences totally reflect the dribs and drabs of my daily life, yes, i do nag, nag to elder boy (hubby) and little boy (son). Nagging make me feel like i'm never satisfied with this and that. Althought sometimes i was over pitched up my voices that worsen the situation, i still think it's very normal for women to have nagging.

    My hubby too said me i'm always talk unpleasantly in front of him but talk very nicely in front of others, yes, i agree, because he is my intimacy that chosen by me, that's why i vent out my thoughts or words to him without any pretends.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Oh, most definitely. My husband at times will start making monkey faces of my nagging by opening and closing his mouth silently. Without fail, it always make me laugh. I guess it's a smart way he thought of to stop my nagging..hehe. If we're eating and a conversation started to sound like a nagging session, he would "lovingly" feed (more like stuff) my mouth with food to shut me up..lol!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Gee, I sound exactly like the person you described above. :)

    Tis so true, men are so good at tuning out when you nag. But then, I also agree that you need to say it a couple of times to get the point across.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hello MG...nagging...ahhhh, let's change that word to...educating, in a repetitive way. Makes us all feel better about our job now. haha...
    We all give in to it sometimes don't we *sigh*. I find myself doing it too...and then I remind myself no need to nag. For every one nag there must be 7 positive words to my child. it is so hard to go by that principle...I sometimes fail, I sometimes succeed.
    well dear, mothering is a worthwhile job, a very important one! we shape our children's character, show them the right path, guide them as they grow! God bless you grant you wisdom as you guide your little ones! :)
    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  19. newkidontheblog,
    Oh, I better stop nagging then or I'll soon be spotting white hair too. Hehe.

    huisia,
    Haha. We must control our pitch thats for sure. It makes the nagging sound even worse eh?

    vien,
    Oh you two still sound very lovey dovey. Hehe. Yes, I agree that laughter is the best way to cool down a situation. We use it too sometimes.

    earthember,
    Its a chicken and egg situation. You want to get your point across but you don't want to sound like a nag.

    hearts,
    Aaahhh "Educating in a repetitive way". I like it! Hahaha.

    ReplyDelete
  20. It's simple... women want things done when they want them done and men want the freedom to do them when they choose to. Women tend to be controlling in that regard (think of when you were a child and your mother said "NOW!" ... i heard that a few hundred times).

    But, if you give a man some space, and don't bother them every 5 minutes, guess what? things will get done.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This most recent anonymous comment got it right. It's positive torment to be told to do something you're already going to do. It's soul-destroying. It indicates a loss of trust, a belief in power and authority in place of negotiation and love. Nagging, to a man, is a clear expression of hate; to a woman, perhaps, it's just talking, but we're not so sure.

      Delete
  21. As a man I have to whole heartedly with the above, its the continued nagging after I have already agreed to do something that infuriates me.

    Having been raised to listen to people I have yet to master the art of tuning people out as it makes me feel like I'm being rude.

    I end up feeling that whilst I need to listen to her she doesn't feel the need to reciprocate, which to me seems incredibly disrespectful.

    Am I being unreasonable, should I just accept that I, like the fish, am apparently voiceless?

    ReplyDelete

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