In MG's opinion here are the top ten wars couples have:
- Word War - this can take two forms. Verbal exchanges or written word war. Verbal word wars can lead to all out shouting matches because there is no editting or taking back what you have said. Written word wars are a little bit more friendly. There are many forms too. Email, IM, SMS. Take your pick.
- Food War - I have written about this in more detail here.
- Cold War - Here, very little or no words are exchanged, only cold facial expressions and body language. Cold Wars can last for days, sometimes weeks. After the initial fight is over and one has even forgotten the original reason for the argument, a cold war can go on due to pride. "Hmm... lets see who backs down or apologises first...."
- Renovation War - This one takes place when you are building your love nest together and it will take place everytime you are trying to renovate your home. I have yet to meet a couple who does not fight over the colour and texture of tiles, walls, carpeting, furnishing etc. Oh theres lots to fight about as its difficult to get two personalities to design their dream home together. Mr & Mrs MG solved this problem by designating zones for our home. Ok you take care of this zone, I take care of this zone. Mr MG's zone was the balcony and everytime we have visitors, wah.. bukan main lagi he would sing praises about his zone and his smoking chamber to all our visitors. (he has quit smoking but theres something about the smoking chamber.... hmmm).
- Movie/TV War - This one usually starts like this "Aiyah, how come we're always watching your show one.... '
- Housekeeping War - This war is especially high up the scale of couples where one party is a neat freak and the other has not heard of the word neat. Division of housework is a neverending war. One must work very hard to find a perfect balance but usually there is no 'perfect balance'.
- Children War - This one happens when your child rearing views, ways and values clash. Try to avoid having this type of war as children should be the glue that brings you together not something to fight about.
- Money War - "My money is my money, your money is my money" Need I say more? Hehe. Just kidding but on a more serious note this war is almost as bad as the Children War. "Why are you so stingy?" "How come you spend money like water, never think of the future." stuff like that. Luckily Mr & Mrs MG don't fight very much about this. We're both kedekut (a scrooge), you see.
- Computer War - With new technology, enters new ways of fighting. Many things to fight about here, PC Games, Blogging, Porn, Chatrooms flirting etc. etc. Luckily Mr & Mrs MG both have some "harmless addictions" like PC Games and Blogging so we are both more tolerant towards each other. "Have you finished using the computer dear? Its my turn now on the PC." The other person feeling guilty for having spent so much time will say "Oh sure thing dear, just give me 5 more minutes..." MG's view on men and PC games is if you can't beat them, join them. Mr & Mrs MG have lots of good times learning games and discussing gaming strategies together. "Hon, should I attack my neighbour?" "Why don't you have a mutual protection pact with the other civilization first?" "But they all gang up to declare war on me!" (Great game this one, recommended by MG). And MG's view on porn? Nowadays the boys don't have to hide, hide and look at girly magazines anymore, its all only a click away. Men are visual by nature so if they want to look, look lah. Nothing to it. Nothing to feel insecure about but men... just don't ogle or drool in front of your wife or girlfriend or you will become chopped liver (but don't be secretive about it either, be open) and don't allow it to become an addiction and replace your spouse. Now that is not acceptable. (Sorry if this view is offensive to some religions). Like it or not, porn is here to stay. If it was a problem before, its worse now that it is so easily available. My worry is how to protect my children from them not how to protect my man from them. He's old enough to know better.
- Family Wars - Family here refers to extended families. Family gatherings and in-laws are explosive topics for a fight especially if you're all staying under one roof. Compromise is the key word here.
- Libido Wars - Ok ok MG can count. I know my title says Top Ten (because it sounds nicer) but I just remembered there's one more. Read this. Now, this one is more common than anyone would care to admit. The classic "Not tonight dear, I have a headache" works both ways. It could be a "Not tonight dear, I'm so stressed out by work" then this will be followed by "You don't find me attractive anymore, blah, blah, blah." As different individuals, just like food, renovation and other diferences, libido differences is something to be worked on as well.
My last word on this is Happy Couples Fight. It is unnatural to have a relationship without conflicts. My relative who told me she NEVER fights with her husband is now going through a divorce. Its how you handle conflict that matters. Humour is a great way to defuse anger and lucky for MG, Mr MG is great at this.
Another thing is to try not to go to sleep angry with your spouse. This builds up bad feelings between you both not to mention giving you sleepness nights and we can all do with more sleep. Sometimes you come out of an argument stronger as a couple sometimes not but that only means you have to work harder. Nothing comes easy and a happy marriage requires hard work too. It does not just happen. Ok enough philosophy from MG for today. End of War Post.