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Friday, December 01, 2006

Handling stresses as a couple

Some of the major stresses in life comes after marriage...... starting a family, moving house, changing jobs etc. These things usually come along after marriage and one has to learn how to go through them together with their spouses.

I'm afraid that when it comes to learning how to handle stresses together as a couple, Mr MG and I still have a loooong way to go. I find that at a time when we should support each other the most, quite often we end up rubbing each other the wrong way instead. At a time when we should be patting each other's shoulders and saying "Its okay, dear. You're not alone." we end up sprouting fangs and nails and tearing each other apart! Lol!

There is something about our personalities that don't quite jive (thats what happens when opposites attract!) so we always come back to the same argument everytime. I find the true test of a relationship is during hardships or troubled times. When things are going well, usually everything is smooth sailing but when your ship hits rough waters, aha! thats when you really know whether you will sink or continue sailing.

Well our ship hasn't always been smooth sailing but its still sailing. Hopefully we will both mellow with age and learn to resolve our personality differences along the way.

I wonder how does everyone else handle their stresses as a couple? Anyone feel like sharing?


  1. I think you are doing very well...

    Me.. my fangs and claws are always sharpened.. and so are hubby's. We're always oh-so-ready to claw each other.


    Sometimes the only thing I feel we're in common as a couple is our love for our daugther.

  2. Well, being both of the same faith helps. Usually when we get too stressed out, either one of us (or sometimes both of us) will remind ourselves of God's promises and grace. We will then commit our stress to God and pray together and voila! Somehow or rather, God will guide us and give us a way out of the stress we were in. When God is in the centre of our marriage and relationship, our marriage and relationship grows.

  3. Funny thing with me and hubby when we are both really really stress about big things like job loss or death of a loved one (we experienced both this year and year before) for instance, we tend to cling to each other very tightly. Braving the storm together so to speak however when it comes to little everyday stresses we pull apart and bicker and pick on each other to vent our frustrations.

  4. 99% of the time..i am the one with the claws and fangs.. and ever-ready .. to suck blood.. hahhaa!! But you can't really blame me.. because i wasn't getting any response.. to my frustrations. I think Papa BoK very worried.. if i go into a depression mode.. so each time..i say i am.. gonna be there soon.. hahahahha!! *evil grin*

  5. Hubby and I have softer personality, and since we hardly see each other, I think we're more considerate and tolerate. But if there's an issue, I'm more lightly to raise it out, and he's more likely to settle by himself, then only tell me. Dunno if it's good as a couple or not...

  6. What happened to the good old times (esp. 'pak tor' times)? Is it normal for every married couples to have such stresses after having kids?

    We used to discuss most of the things before we had our girl but after her birth, it's always arguments - even to the slightest matter. Is it dat we have to spend more (it's always the question of money) and no longer have more time to ourselves (got to tag our girl along whereve we go)?

    How I wish we could be like when we were in our 'pak toring' times - so sweet, so caring, so loving, so..... aiyo .... better wake up and face the reality.

  7. All healthy marriages shd have fights & arguments as otherwise it's not normal. But we shd not keep it in our hearts & must find solution for it & make up (or make out, LOL!) afterthat. That's what a matured marriage is abt. Cant expect to be lovey dovey all the time but must apprciate the little things our spouse does for the family.

  8. Same reality...or rather i call it relativity! What u 'said' relates to us too, so much. Tiny matters but great reaction! I have woke up to embrace this relative reality long time ago. I embraced & carried out my role as the FIGHTER to fight again & again. I fight to mellow down, fight to keep my big mouth shut and my big head to think of the BIG PICTURE!!

    Anyway, whatever happens...priority is to our KIDS FIRST!

    Things seems to get better when our memory weakens...I don't quite remember what we were fighting about. There were things that I wanted to SHOUT OUT, but by the time for me to do it...I forgot WHAT is it...LOL. Don't bother, sleep better.

  9. Phew! Thot we were the only ones arguing about the same ol thing. Always the wife going "chee sin" and getting "mang-chang". Always the husband "forgetting" this and that.

    We ALWAYS fight about the same things. lucky no drugs, alcohol or gambling involved.

    'kan, best?


  10. I think I have had my worst days with hubby. But now after our son was born - I think we argue less and somehow I too have no time to pick on silly issues and keep a long face. He too has changed a lot - spends more time with us (as a family)

    Compromise and understanding is the rule to keep the boat sailing smooth - but once in a while getting into a storm is healthy I think.

  11. mumsgather, it is an age old question - with not one answer or solution. The earlier stages in one's marriage is a great test, and once you past that, you shd give yourself a pat on the back. I think that is the time when you are learning to live with each other and see how each handles things- esp. stress. Then, in my case, we either talk abt it or respect how the other copes with something. But talking abt it is still the best solution.

  12. Like the old saying: It's easy to get along; It's tough to live together...
    No matter how loving or how understanding a couple is, there is sure a time when either one is on disagreement with the other.

    My PiggyBeng is quite MCP at times so very hot temper so most of the time I have to 'yan' lor... if not I will shout it out at him and he will get a shock and we'll talk it out... try not to let the anger go over night lor if not very suffocating. So have to give and take coz also understand he gets lots of stress at work so when he comes home try to cheer him up a bit like cook his fav dish.
    I'm sure you know the best way to a man's heart is through his tummy rite? :)

  13. zara's mama,
    Mutual love for the kids is the superglue for any relationship and its a good start to work on any rough patches.

    Yes, its good to be of the same faith. I think handling differences in faith would be one of the toughest hurdles in any relationship.

    Don't sweat the small stuff! Its great that you can come together in times of stress.

    You are evil! Hahaha.

    Whatever works fine for you as a couple is good, no need to follow the standard way. Hehe.

    Pak tor dat time, we oso argue a lot, after kahwin, still argue a lot, so no need to think back of good ole days because its the same! Lol!

    Yes, a matured marriage where you have found a working solution to working things out is more harmonious than those with lots of highs and lows. Those type of relationships are too tiring to keep up!

    Hahaha. What you said is true. I have to fight to keep my big mouth shut too. And if I succeed, quite often by the next day, everything is peaceful and forgotten and you don't even know why it was such a big deal afterall!

    "lucky no drugs, alcohol or gambling involved."

    You forgot, "other women"

    So, yes, kan best?

    Compromise. Yes, both parties to a marriage need a great big dose of that. Compromise, give and take.

    kak teh,
    We have to learn how to "talk it out" without smoke coming out of our nostrils and ears. Lol!

    Yes, its important not to let it brew overnight if possible. Otherwise negativity and bad feelings pile up.

    Thanks everyone for sharing!

  14. Phew! I thought I was the only one with the marriage gone wrong!
    For many months I was wondering if I should stay married or not ... cause the arguments were just getting horrible. Then I thought about Ryan and his facination for "Papa" .... then I thought, better to work things out rather than to have Ryan undergo emotional turmoil! Kids are such good remedies!

  15. i was wondering the other why it seems like only ME post about marriage probs. Okay ..now i know.. I'm not alone. Haha. We Argue n make up. And argue and make up. I like the making up part...but if no argue how to make up leh?

  16. may li,
    You said it. Kids are wonderful remedies.

    You're definitely not alone. If a marriage is always smooth sailing without arguments, its probably in trouble! Lol!


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