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Monday, February 27, 2006

"How many kids shall we have, honey?"

This is one question many couples often do not discuss before they get married. I mean can you imagine asking this question on a date? "Hi, I'm so & so. How many kids would you like to have?" I'm sure the date will be out of the door faster than you can say "door!" So quite often, most people find out only after they are hitched leading to some trouble.

Previously, our parents did not have this dilemma. They just had kids, kids and more kids. These days, I know many couples who cannot come to agreement on this. I have at least 3 friends who want to stop at 1 kid but their husbands would like more. Trouble. I know my own brother would like to have another to add to his bunch of two but sil says no more. This made me think..... "Hmmm how come its usually the men who want more?" "Cos they don't have to do all the hard work. Thats why!" Hehehe. Just kidding lah. My sis is the one who wanted No3. According to her, bil said work took up too much energy from him so he was happy with 2. Sis shared with everyone that she wanted 4 when she was younger and we all laughed at her then. "Are you sure?!!" we asked. She can't remember she said that now and she's happy though often busy and tired out by her 3.

Luckily, Mr MG and I are in total agreement on this (though we didn't discuss it earlier before marriage). There are many things that we cannot agree on but on no. of kids, we both like the idea of having 3. Hehehe. Only, we're not the youngest couple around (we're 40, 40+) so age, health and finances may not permit. :(

MG is kaypoh today. How many kids would you like to have and do you and your spouse agree on this?


  1. I've noticed this too ~ it's always the men who wanted more kids..wonder why??

    I wanted to stop at 1, hubby wanted no. 2, so..he wins lor..we're trying for another 1 now...haha..;p

  2. Sometimes when I look at the small and cute baby, I feel like having #2 but if ask me to go all over again; I think I need to think twice!!

    For hubby, he loves children a lot but want to stop at one due to age and financial constraint. He is 10 yrs older than me. :)

  3. Initial plan was 4! After hv 2 kids now, me wish to stop,very tired le jaga kids! But DH wish to hv another one, be it boy or girl!!! Me still thinking now..think think think!

  4. err... dun think quantity is the question... I prefer to stop when we have at least one gender of each :)

    p/s: eh Jason... you better go look for one who's willing to carry your huge baby first :P

  5. blurblur,
    ol. Good luck in your trying. The family dynamics change again when No 2 comes along. :)

    yah, i read a joke somewhere which gave definition of a woman who wants to go thru pregnancy and birth again as someone who has amnesia!

    so what happen if got 2 boys or 2 girls leh? :P

    the more the merrier mah. I always look upon having more kids as having more ppl to love but yes, looking after them is very tiring indeed!

    hehe. I know of a few friends from families of 6 of the same gender....

  6. Hubby does not really care about the number, just plan to get suitable gaps.
    Considering age, I'd love to have 5 and if get 6, it will be a bonus;). Don't think I will ever get enough of babies.
    Financial wise, we believe each kid comes with his/her own 'rezeki';).

  7. hehe..my fatty wanna stop at 2 due the same reason of ur bil too..He complain kenot tahan with those housework liao..and I always have thousand excuse to escape from helping him coz SQ kept boding me wor..:P

    My target is 3..so maybe there will be another accident waiting to happen in the future lor...hahaa

  8. Hehehe, good question.

    We discussed this before, to have a min of 3 and max of 5.
    Luckily we are both together in this. Both of us would love a big family. So, we will definitely try for our third, when we and the boys are ready..

    But, whether or not we continue after the third, we have to wait and see ;)

  9. mama22beas,
    "Financial wise, we believe each kid comes with his/her own 'rezeki';). " - What a lovely thought. Previously in my course of work (I was a training provider), I met a young malay lady who was the training manager of a large organisation. Every time I met her she was either pregnant or just delivered. She has 5 or 6 as your wish. She even had twins in between and each time I see her, she looked lovelier than ever. Really amazing!

    my bil wasn't complaining about housework but rather he said that work did not give him enuf energy for home. Another "accident" waiting to happen eh? lol. I hope you get to meet your target. ;)

    do you come from big families yourself? I find sometimes the opposite happens, those who come from small ones wants bigger families and vice versa.

  10. Probably 3, unless accident happens. Same here, if no financial constrain, can have more.

  11. Living in teh city, expensese higher, so to have more kid or not, really depend on our wallet.
    we wish to have one more, but knowing our financial status, better not.
    Have to be contented with two, anyway... when really wish to have third one, just think about the nappy change, midnight wake up, and b'fing, I think the api will went off hahaha...

  12. We never actually decide a no, let it come one at a time loh. Sure want more than one, we are trying for no 2! After that only decide loh!

  13. shoppingmum,
    you still young, 3 or more no problem. hehe. finances can be build up along the way and you still have time to decide...

    actually financial wise, I think can learn to live on less if you have more kids mah... what say you? still tak dak api kah? hehehe.

    contented mum, ah.. you must be young too like shopping mum, got the luxury of time to decide. :)

  14. 2 is more than enough for DH & me. Eventhough wld luv to have a girl but I can't imagine starting all over again! Only the past 2 yrs DH & I able to pak tor again. My boys r wonderful company for each other. BTW can't wait to hear abt ur future good news.

  15. I like mama23beas thought too... ideally i want four, but the paranoid in me wants to assess if we're financially ok to have #3 or #4... (I will have to stop work if having 3 or more) sigh.
    I heard on the news last week that a 62yo grandma gava birth to a baby... so MG it's still not too late LOL! I give you moral support ;)

  16. I'm not married yet but my bf and I talked about it some time ago. I said 2. He said 3. I said 2. And he said 2. Hehhe...so its 2 :)

    I think 1 is a bit lonely, and 3...erm..is a crowd?

  17. a&a'smom,
    its true what you say about the pak tor part. The first few years of a child's life where got time to pak tor! btw, I said we like the idea but does not necessarily mean we will. hehehe.

    if you prefer to continue working, you shouldn't let having 3 or more stop you. (I detect that perhaps you prefer it?....from the sigh ;)) I start my family late lah, my friends talking about their teenage sons and daughters, I still talking about diapers. Hahaha.

    From those couples I know, the ultimate decision to stop at a certain number of kids often is made by the dominant partner n the relationship eventually... haha.

  18. i want 4. Mrs B said one only. now we have 2. hehehe ;)

  19. MrB,
    Aiyoh! MrsB sure takutlah to have 4 little buayas running around. But that sounds kinda cute. So, how about No3 soon? ;)

  20. I would love to have two.. but only if God Wills it. It took me 5yrs to have Zara.. I can't wait another 5yrs for the 2nd one.. b'cos age is catching up. So if I can't conceive within 2yrs.. will close shop.

  21. Hubby and me love to have 2 kids. But thinking of taking care of them and the increase of petrol prices, give me a back off. :)

  22. maria,
    Excuses! Excuses! Tsk! Tsk! lol.

    zara's mama,
    My bro and wife took 7 years to conceive the first but the 2nd one came along quickly. Wish you all the best.

    Hahaha. Petrol price increase also factored in ah?

  23. I wanna have 2 (a boy and a gril) buy hubby wanted only 1 coz' he cannot tahan with Keith. He said he's too active.

  24. Yeah, u're right. I come from a family of four. So, me and my bro grew up wanting to have more siblings, while my parents were bored when we went off to uni.

    On the other hand, hubby comes from a family of 7. But he loves kids..

  25. mg, spot on. Men don't have to become pregnant, go through labour pain, cope with engorged breasts, stay up with the babies when they're sick. Of course the more the merrier. But 4 kids is just nice, two boys and two girls, like what I have, hehe. Being smug here.

  26. If the first 2 is boy & girl, then close shop..if not comes 3rd one, but that's the max :)...phewww...

  27. geetha,
    I was told by an elderly friend that two seems very little when they grow up!

    2 boys and 2 girls sounds very nice indeed. :)

    hehehe. got maximum plan.

  28. I hope got 2 (1 boy and 1 gal) but god know i'll close shop soon so gave me a bonus. Hubby like to have 4 (2 boys and 2 glas)at first now due to financial status so we decided to stop now, hope no accident will happend :)

  29. 1+2mom,
    Got bonus. Thats nice yes?

  30. for me
    min 2, max 4
    hubby prolly wants more more more but i dun think i can take it, not with Ivan at 20 months ans Izac at 2 months i feel faint already, hopefully next one is girl then can try for another girl, if next one is boy then i think i better close shop lah, so much testosterone

  31. sue,
    I thought its usually the other way round for most folks? ie. if get another boy, try again, if get girl, close shop. You terbalik pulak. Hehe.

  32. I told my husband-to-be that I wanted 12 kids to see if he would still marry me. After have 2 kids, I told him I wanted to close shop which he happily agreed. After stopping work in 1995, I wanted number three but my husband told me that he did not think he could wake up in the middle of the night to feed and change nappies (he did for the two kids) and we were moving to UK so we only have two (19 & 17). Looking back, I am so glad I did not have number 3. They are now very independent, cheaper to travel as 4 (hotels). More comfortable in car journeys. I suppose if we were very wealthy would I have number 3? Who knows? I don't regret and I love my 2 kids who are very close to my husband and I....a real blessing.


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