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Friday, August 04, 2006

Sibling Love

The kids fight all the time but they also show love towards one another.

Sometimes when we scold one of them and they start to cry, the other will quickly run and bring a tissue for the sibling to wipe their eyes. Its really amusing and heartening to watch.

Sometimes when we look like we are in a threatening position (like about to scold baby) or even when we are just tickling or playing with him for fun but it looks a little rough to my girl she will quickly rush to his defense and say with an angry look "That is my brother!" as if to tell us to stop and leave him alone. Its really amusing the way she says it.

One of my hopes as a parent is to see my kids grow up and continue to be friends and family to each other for the rest of their lives. I know of many siblings who played together as kids but no longer talk to each other as adults. That to me is an extremely sad thing.

In my opinion, one of the ways a parent actually contributes towards sibling rivalry is by playing favouritism. Having a favourite child/children can create a rift between the siblings.

As a mother, I hope to encourage my children to remain close to each other, to be able to support each other when we (the parents) are no longer around and to be the family that they can count on in times of need, for always. Nothing beats that secure feeling, knowing you have family you can count on, knowing there are family who will be there for you no matter what, family who will pick you up when you are down or encourage you when you fail or lend a helping hand when you are in need.

Afterall, they say "blood is thicker than water." Friends may come and friends may go but you can't pick your siblings and they are with you for life, if only you will let them.


  1. we still try and learn very hard not to bias to either one of them, difficult man, even though we are not, but when the two really unhappy that time, they can think that we actually bias to her sister, tough! soon we have to get one more PC liao... *sigh*... what happen to those with triplet and more

  2. When I look at my two boys I hope they grow up to be each other's best friend. Afterall, we decided to have a second child so that they could have each other. I agree that parents play an important role in helping them build that special bond.

  3. It's family upbringing and what kind of values we instill in them so that they can care for each other when we no longer around. I suppose if we ourself set a good example (ie treating our parents well, taking care of our sibblings), they will eventualy learn to treasure the family too.

  4. Well, family upbringing and values incalcuted from young helps but it does not effectively prevent all sibling rivalry.

    Changing circumstances, personal characteristics and differing priorities over time play an important part. A crisis or maybe a major change can ignite selfish feelings even amongst the closest siblings. I'm speaking from what I've seen and experienced.

    As parents, we can only do what we think is best and hope they will all be close as they grow up, but we also need to recognise that this is not something we can control.

  5. Like me and my sisters..when we fight we really fight. But the we will soon forget about it. We still go out often with our partner together...

    I think it is more on how our parents brought us up and the values that we were being taught..

    I hope my next generation will be close too as siblings..

  6. But being bias is natural right?

    I'm so worried that I will be bias, although I tell my self I should control myself and be fair.

  7. maria,
    They fighting over pc izzit? ;) At the moment my two don't fight YET. Baby is happy to just stand next to his sister and watch her play. Just wait till he is a little older and the fight will start!

    Yes, its true what you say. We have another kid so that they will have each other as playmates. My girl's sibling is the best "toy" to her. We are not able to interact with her the way her baby brother does. Sometimes they really have so much fun together. They love to run around together and push their heads towards each other then laugh hysterically.

    Lets hope so then.

    So well said. Those thoughts were on my mind too but I couldn't quite put them out into words. Its true. I've seen the same happening. I think most parents would be happy to see their children get along but sometimes it still does not turn out that way.

    Its nice to have sisters as "friends" isn't it?

    zara's mama,
    I think as humans sometimes we can't help be biased in our feelings but even if that is the case, we should let it remain in our hearts and strive to be fair always in our actions.

  8. My siblings and i are still as close as we used to be when we are young...we may not see each other everyday, but the bond is there, and we know we can count on one another for support! :)

    Your girl is very protective over her little brother, so touching right?:)

  9. You're right, my bro & I used to be very close to each other, but after we got married, we started to drift apart. Really sad huh?

  10. Hi MG, a truly awesome blog you have here. Read your posts and really admire your persona as a mother, wife and person. You have inspired me -a 3month new mother, to start my own blog. Please do drop by and give comments :D


  11. Blood is definitely thicker than water. Strange,I actually said that in one of my recent emails to Lydia.
    My sister and I used to fight like cats and dogs. My dad also favoured her very much as she made him proud by attaining 1st in class all the time and has a degree.
    Anyway, as soon as we both left home, we have been so close to each other. When I left Melb, both of us could not stop crying each time we are on the phone. We love each other's kids like our own. So, childhood rivalry is not all that bad. I agree with most comments that it's the parents' role to instill love and bonding.
    Great posting....thought provoking.

  12. Mm......sibbling attachment. I only wished for that. Eventhough I know my WH is `different' I still inculcate that brotherly love in him for his younger brother. Irrespective whether he understands or not, it doesn't matter. I sometimes try to get WH to hold his brother's hand and he does it. Not sure if he really `feels' anything for him. As for `brotherly' love, mm....it's far from existence at the rate he is `hitting' him every single minute...kids....will be kids, I just hope they will grow up close to each other.

  13. I agree with what you're instiling in your kids. No matter how hard siblings fight, they would be brothers/sisters in the end. Sometimes, I get so mad with my sister, but at the end of it all, I still love her and have a soft spot for her.

  14. blurblur,
    Yes, same with my siblings although I'm closer to my sisters rather than my brothers dunno why.

    You drift apart a little but as long as you can always still count on each other its ok for not keeping in touch that often. My siblings and I don't keep in touch that much because we understand that we all have our own lives now but we remain available to each other in times of need.

    just me,
    Welcome to my blog and welcome to the world of blogging. :)

    Yes, at certain points in our lives, we fought and then we outgrew the fighting and became close again. Lol!

    "Irrespective whether he understands or not, it doesn't matter."
    Thats the right attitude to have, I think. As for hitting, mine hit each other all day long and Mrs Screamer here goes to work full time screaming the house down for them to stop fighting and play together happily.

    Sisters are good.... not only as a shoulder to cry on, but as shopping partners! hahaha.

  15. Being the eldest sis in the family, i can't help to a liitle bit strict to my bros n sis.. altho all the lectures n nagging, i lurve them dearly... even my youngest bro think that i am easy to be manipulated... sigh..

  16. Lol...I used to do quarrel with my younger brother when we were both small. Now, we just talk things out.
    Btw, I wrote a short review as requested, but it's quite short. You can find it in the comments of the Civ 4 post. For more info, you can go over to gamespot.com

  17. hi MG,
    Sibling rivalry is unavoidable but love is also possible. As parents we have to try not to show favouritism. Sometimes we do not think we are showing it, and we may both love both children equally. but a child may read our actions differently and pick up subtle things, gestures or words which might send them the wrong message.

    our words are so important...I tell myself if I want to praise one, then praise both. Punish one, then punish both. But I break the rules sometimes..after all, the younger one is only 1, so of course only the older one gets punished. Then I have to remind er that I love her.

    Anyway, it is possible for children to love each other and to be protective of each other...with just short bouts of jealousy, if we play our roles right!
    Take care!

  18. tee,
    Lol! So you're the stern eldest sis eh?

    Hey, thanks!

    ....but a child may read our actions differently and pick up subtle things, gestures or words which might send them the wrong message.....our words are so important...

    How very true. I try to practise being fair in words and actions as well but you never know the subtle things their little minds pick up!

  19. I really agreed with what you said and I truly cherished the relationship I have with my siblings. It's always nice to gather and talk after dinner with my bro and sis. Getting to know what happened in their daily activities.

    I guess being a parent, treating each other with fairness is important.

  20. allyfeel,
    These days we seldom get the chance to gather with the siblings but when we do sometimes we kid each other and have great laughter while we can chat non-stop about anything and everything.


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