I have some loving gestures towards Mr MG which gets thrown out the window when I am mad at him. Sometimes when we disagree, I...
- slam doors
- walk out (not out of the house but midway during a conversation)
- stop talking (cold war has been declared)
- withold my loving gestures
On the other hand, he almost always will....
- speak calmly and rationally (sometimes irritating me further becos he is too rational. hehe)
- hardly raise his voice
- never slam doors
- sometimes declare a cold war too
- seldom withold a loving gesture
I sometimes wonder if men and women argue differently when they have a disagreement. Some of my female friends and relatives report almost the same observations as me when they have a fight with their spouse. Often, the men are still calm and rational. Maybe women are more hot headed and emotional afterall eh?
Mr MG had once asked me. "Why do you stop doing the things you normally do for me when your are angry with me? That should not be the way. Things should not suddenly be so different just because we have a disagreement"
He is right of course. Non-loving gestures feed upon itself and create negative feelings that sometimes lasts longer than the fight. (It is also harder to get out off. Hehe. Getting back into a loving mode is harder to do after you have behaved like a kid throwing a tantrum.)
So these days, I'm trying to work on my self-control and still be nice even when I'm angry. I will still do the things I normally do for him and sometimes I even give him a foot massage when I am still angry. In a marriage, one has to learn that conflicts cannot be resolved overnight. In a marriage, one should also realise that if you want to win all the time in an argument, you will lose out in the end when more bad feelings are created. Bad feelings built up in this manner is akin to building a brick wall between you and your spouse. You lay the bricks each time you are mad and the wall gets thicker and higher over time until it creates a rift between you and your spouse.
I hope that I succeed in my mission of self-control. It is really so much easier to shout, slam cupboard doors and declare a cold war than to control my own anger and response. Wish me luck! (And no, we didn't have any argument. I just wanted to reflect and remind myself of the need to have self control)
Other Related Posts:
Unrelated to this post:
Not sure why I'm seeing rubbish bins, waste bins, trash containers and recycling bin ad links among my ads. Maybe I'm talking to much rubbish on my blog. Hahaha.