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Thursday, September 15, 2005

Do you shout at your spouse in front of your kids?

When you're a couple, sometimes its inevitable that you should fight. I blogged sometime ago that happy couples fight and there are many stuff to fight about. If you don't, there's probably something wrong with you or the relationship. (Thats just my 2 cents). Its just not possible for two very different individuals living under the same roof, not to fight.

And so.... we fight and sometimes in front of the kids. Yeah! I know, I know. All the gurus and relationship books say "Don't fight in front of the kids." but how? Unless you have impeccable self control....... it happens.

One day in the midst of a shouting match, I could hear My Girl in the background, walking around mumbling to herself "Why is everybody talking like this?" Sometimes, during a fight, she would come to me and say "Why are you so upset? Its ok. Its ok."

OMG! OMG! I'm a bad mommy! I must really learn to tame that fiery temper of mine. Anyway, when we fight, no matter how angry we are with each other, our voices will soften with the kids or so we try lah! (I must admit that Mr MG is very much better than me at this becos his self control is better than mine).


  1. Very difficult to hide from the children leh. Release the anger there and then. My girl will ask "Mama, why papa scold u?" "Mama, why u shout?". No doubt it scares her a little. But when talking to her, we will soften our voice one. Sometimes I think, if it's not a major fight, it's ok to let the little ones know because this is real life ma... People do fight. At least next time when she sees other people fighting she won't get so traumatized lor!! hehe.

  2. often i see people shouting at their maids, husbands, wives, and also the children... maybe it never crossed their mind, or they never read guru books kua. :(

  3. annie, excuses. excuses. tsk. tsk. hehe. don't mind me. Just teasing you only.

    totoro, read guru books still kenot tahan.... shout.. so how. kekeke.

  4. hehe.. me & hubby better, we only raise our voice but no shouting yet, then once it happen we will ask "why talk so loud?!" but we both don't admit who talk bad 1st hahaha...

    my sis's 5 yrs old son lagi jiat-lat, he will tell my sis "mummy, don't scold daddy lar, u very fierce leh.. don't do it next time ok"

  5. MG agreed with you, unavoidable. My son will become very quiet if we start fighting....hehe...it's really bad. Mr ally and me tried our best not to do that....again easier said than done. Got to work hard for it *____*.

  6. shiaulin, you must be newlyweds! kekeke. just kidding. MG turning green. *Jeles*.

    allyfeel, must learn to control ourselves better especially when the kids are present yah?

  7. I agree .. uncontrollable at times but we try not to argue too much in front of the kids. Its bad for the kids development. I'm quite bad at controlling my temper. God!Give me patience. :)

  8. I tried not to. At least hubby is really soft type, he won't shout, just walk away until I cool down. So far so good.

  9. yo, very hard to cotrol sometime, it take quite a while for the girls to forget what was happen, they can remember months ago I cried or I shout, will ask me once in a while: "why mommy cry cry?" "what mommy angry?" *sigh* pai-seh...they ask their daddy too: "why you so angry, don't angry lar, no good...I sayang..."
    but at least we try lor, cut down a lot, but once in the blue moon, when the moon is full, the sky is cloudy, the star falling...wei, we only human leh *excuse, excuse, excuse* hehehe...

  10. DF and I made an understanding not to shout in front of the children no matter how bad is the situation. I am a bad tempered person but if I can control my temper, then anyone also can.

    Whenever there's a disagreement, just make a point to your partner that you disagree but will only continue to "discuss" after the children is asleep. Normally by then, the temper will not be so big bad and ugly.

    The reason why you want to shout back (if I read it right) is because you want to win the arguement. You can choose to hold it back until the kids are away mah. Ok la. Comment too long liao

  11. Hey.. MG,
    We fight in front of the brat too.. and i think i'm the one who sometimes get so exasperated.. and raise my voice.. ! my spouse hardly raise his voice.. but he can sometimes sounds like a jerk. So in a way .. me and my spouse.. sama-sama bad..!
    But i do try not to raise my voice.. for fear of scaring the brat..!

  12. twin, try we must.

    shoppingmum, if someone walks away while you're talking, doesn't it get you more riled up? hehe.

    maria, lol. how about when the once in a yellow moon, when the sun is out, when the sky is clear, when the stars are in the sky... haha.

    willwolf, you are so right. I'm still learning that problems need not be solved RIGHT NOW. Thats probably the reason I argue becos I cannot tahan until I get to the bottom of it there and then but as you say, if left for another time, its much better to discuss without the anger and emotions flaring.

    big bok, sama-sama bad huh? lol. sometimes no need to raise voice more gerng! Hahaha.

  13. Hehehe...I am in the weird category. My hubby and I get angry with each other no doubt, but we will never fight like in shouting at one another. We only give each other the silent treatment. So the only shout you will here, is my son and gal fighting for toys.

    Yeah you are right, no temper man (not the bad temper man) have more self control than woman. Oh well, it is just Venus & Mars, 2 different characteristics join in harmony. Sure there will be sparks.

  14. michelle, hehehe. you have cold war instead. my cold war kenot last one becos I cannot sleep at nite if got cold war. :P

  15. our son will keep quiet and look at us if he is around..

    if we continue for long then he will start crying and want us to carry...then need to 'sayang sayng him' loh...

  16. walio...u n twinsmom's animated icons very nice leh....

    where to get?
    or u did it urself?

  17. after sayang sayang him, cool down oso rite?
    I don't have twinsmom's talent so I source loh. Usually I give credit to the source or link bank if its linkware but if I kenot remember the source, they won't sue me gua 'cos its for personal non commercial use.

  18. Yeah same here .. cold war doesn't work for me too. If must be solve today .. sleepy is not the excuse. There is a saying that goes ... "Don't sleep over an argument. If not you will wake up having a bad bad mood".

  19. Yeah donno why woman cannot sleep over an arguement and man just snore over it.

    Twin: Actually is "Do not let the sun go down on your anger.."

  20. twin, i think thats precisely the problem with me. I have to solve it TODAY hence the silly need to argue to "SOLVE" it.

    michelle, yeah, and the louder they snore, the angrier we get. hahahaha.

  21. Hey! Although we guys snore, doesn't mean we don't care. We just sleep over the problem only. Hahahaha.

  22. if when the once in a yellow moon, when the sun is out, when the sky is clear, when the stars are in the sky... we pounce each other :pbpbpb

  23. willwolf, hmm... must learn, must learn..

    maria, lol.

  24. yeah that's the problem ... 'the guys likes to sleep over problems' (no offence). LOL


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