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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Confessions of an Imperfect Mum

Long, venting post. Skip if you have better things to do.

I'm having a bad mum week. With my kids, I'm like Mdm Mum and Mrs Monster (Jekkyl & Hyde). One moment, I'm the loving, gentle mum, next I turn into a monstor. Simply terrifying. This week Mrs Monster reared its ugly head several times. (*hangs head in shame*)

Monday morning.......

"Smack!" my palm met a small cheek right after I tried to angrily shove (using more force than was necessary) a small morsel of food into a reluctant half opened mouth. Parenting Gurus' words "Don't turn mealtime into battletimes" echoed ignored somewhere in the recess of my mind. I felt like the maid who was abusing the kids while her employers are away. Seriously I can actually emphatize with any maid who does that. (Thats why no maid is watching my kids) Anyone who has to deal with not just one, but two picky eaters 3X a day, everyday, would turn into a monster too!

Baby was banished from the highchair soon afterwards while I fed his sister instead thinking I would try again later. I tried but he still shook his head vigorously and spit out everything I gave him. Sigh!

Monday afternoon.....

I found out that baby was having a fever. Ah! That explains the poor appetite. Poor baby! Bad mommy. Guilty mommy!

Monday night....

Baby was running a high fever and could not sleep most of the night. As if to pay pennance for being a bad mum earlier on, I had to hold him throughout the night so that he would at least get some rest.

Tuesday morning....

We decided to see if his fever would run its course without antibiotics. (As we usually do, by waiting one or two days to see if they recover on their own before we rush to the doc.) It did not. Baby was feverish and fretful all day long.

Tuesday evening....

Hubby rushed home to take us all to the paeditrician. The paed said he had very high fever, gave him a suppository (If you don't know what that is, its a capsule shoved in between his little butt cheeks to make the fever come down faster). He also got stripped and sponged by the nurse making him bawl very loudly indeed. Poor baby!

Tuesday night......

By the time we got home it was late. Had to feed everyone dinner and had loads to clean up afterwards. During dinner, my girl spilled soup all over the tablecloth and instead of saying "Its ok, its an accident". monster mum went into nagging mode.

While I was doing the dishes, my girl decided to throw a tantrum when I told her it was late and I was not free to play with them in the playpen as I usually do most evenings. (I know that if I had handled her differently ie explaining to her properly instead of brushing her off and ignoring her afterwards, the tantrum would not have happened. Sigh!) While, she got a spanking by daddy, I rushed to have a much longed for shower which I didn't have time for all day from looking after baby.

After the shower, I felt much more relaxed and sleepy so I began the nighttime routine for the kids. An hour later, baby was asleep and so was hubby who was simply too tired. I came out of the room to check the doors etc and when I went back in, I was greeted by a little voice saying "Mummy, I vomit." Aaarrrgghhh! I was so looking forward to sleeping at last, when I saw the mess my girl had made, I wanted to cry. I really did. She had vomitted all over the bedside table (it was a two tier one and both tiers were filled with vomit) as well as the mattresses I have stuffed at the side of the bed to fill in the gap (so that no one would fall off), on the floor, a bit of the bedsheet and skirting etc.

Monster mum swung into action. No comforting for my girl. Only nagging, scolding, lecturing etc etc. as I cleaned up the mess. Right after I cleaned up the mess, I was pondering whether to have a cup of warm drink when..... "Waaaahhhh!" Baby woke up! So I gave baby some medicine and we all went to bed. No warm drink for this Monster. I spoke more calmly to my girl and she told me that she couldn't wait and thats why she turned to the side to vomit instead of running towards the end of the bed cos she was afraid she would soil the bedsheets as she did several times before and got a scolding for it. Sigh! What a bad mommy I am.

I lay in bed with negative thoughts swirlling in my head. Mostly frustrated, stressed-up, guilty thoughts. What a way to fall asleep. I didn't have a good sleep either as baby woke up many times throughout the night. And the room smelt of puke. Ewe. My only wish before I slept is that baby would get better and that no one else in the house would fall ill.

This morning.....

My girl woke up coughing then points to her throat and said "Pain". Oh No! Somebody help me Pleasssseeee!

Updated: This afternoon......

Baby has diarrhea three times but otherwise seem ok. Fever under control.

My Girl threw up all of her lunch, refused to drink her milk and fell asleep on the sofa after lunch which is extremely unusual for her. She never wants to nap and definitely not that early. She woke up with a fever. So now I have on my hands two fretty, clingy babies who frets even when I'm carrying or "manjaing" them. Aiyoyo! Headache! We just visited the paed yesterday through all the rain and traffic and waiting. Don't tell me we have to do it again this evening.

Mr MG is so busy with work right now he is in no position to help me out though I know he's trying his best. In fact he needs my support right now and he needs to come home to peace not chaos now more than ever. So, I must remember to try to keep my cool. :)


  1. looks like you really got yourself a handful!
    it's no wonder that the Monstor inside got the better of you... hang in there!

  2. Mothers have got lots of responsibilities.. loving, cleaning, washing, caring.. (the list goes on and on.., only mothers know that!)

    Thus, its okay to feel "I want to cry".

    Kids know you do it the best, and feels it too..

    So, hang in there.. and they'll soon turn around and say, "I love you mum. You're the best"

    It goes for you.. (I understand what you're going through..)

  3. Awww... This will last for another few days until your boy and girl are fully recovered. Hang in there yeah~! At least your girl is very considerate already. ;)

  4. *hugz* I know what you're going through and believe me..i'm a monster mum at times too (and many times:P).

    Hang in there...you're definitely not alone! Don't feel guilty, mothers are human too!! :)

    Speedy recovery to your boy and girl! :)

  5. Poor MG! Can feel your stress! Don't be so guilty lah, you are only ordinary human and not superwoman.

    Hang in there and hope that your kids are recover fast!

    By the way, will you consider engage a part time cleaner to do the cleaning job? Those that come once a week or on hourly basis to help out a bit so that you can have more time to rest?

  6. egghead,
    hanging on.......

    Hi 5!

    Ya lor, she quite considerate already, sumore kena scolded. so kesian :(

    Thank you for the support and encouragement.

    Last year I had a health scare so I do have a part time cleaner who comes in 3X a week now. Otherwise even more stressed!

  7. I do get that once in awhile...normally would try to calm myself down by bringing the baby to the bedroom and lock ourselves in. But then, get worried on how the other girls doing outside. That's when a emergency call has to be made to hubby, and beg him to come back ASAP!
    Glad to know that other mothers go thru that too.

  8. Oh... no... one of "those" day when a invisible monster visit our house huh?

    everyone have a monster in their body, once a while it will run wild and escape, no worry, it will get bore and go "home", then everything will be fine.

    store few wet towel in the freezer, so can have replacement to bring down the fever.

    *hugs* and *kisses*

  9. Have a tough week huh, hugs to you. You take care of yurself ya. Hope baby and girl get well soon!

  10. Oh my.. what a tough week you'd had. When we have a tough week, at home and in the office, the monster inside will start to slowly surface.. It's quite normal..

    I'd been a monster too.. and sometimes it scares me on what I'm capable of doing to that little girl.. anyway, I try to control and cage up this monster.

    Take care, and hope the kids are getting better now.

  11. mama22beas,
    lol. how does papa22beas take to that kind of emergency call?

    I think the monster's bored already.

    contented mum,
    Yeah. I hope so too.

    zara's mama,
    Yes, its scary what caregivers under stress can do to the little ones. Someone once shared with me that she threw her baby down in anger (but on the bed lah) when the baby wouldn't stop crying. And shaking a crying baby (esp. baby under 6 months) is a no-no for its dangers.

  12. don't feel bersalah lor.. i think every mom felt also like dat when stress takes its toll... esp when the kids demands/acts all sorts of nonsense things.

    sometimes, i also do all of de above-mentioned acts to my kids, much to my regret later on...

    just hang in there, kay...

  13. a&a'smom6:35 PM, March 08, 2006

    MG, my hugs to you. You definately had a lot on ur plate. Been in ur shoes when my boys were little. DH was with his dad in hosp as he was battling for his life after his heart surgery. I was alone with my boys who both were having fever & earache (I was still bf my small one). Just wanted to bawl my eyes out as I felt so alone. Thanks for sharing ur story so we mommies know that it is a normal thing that occur once in a while! Take care of urself & a speedy recovery to ur kids

  14. MG, please don't be hard on yourself. I believe your behaviour is very normal cos' I can relate to it totally. I am like that as well. All that you wrote. I am you!!! Yes.

  15. that came out the wrong way. I meant to see, I am very much like you.

  16. see = say! (What's wrong with me! LOL!)

  17. Sometime i just like you feel want to cry when they dunwan listen what i said. Later they come and hug me kiss me and say i love mommy everything bad mood is gone.

  18. mocha,
    thanks for the positive words.

    I'm sure your situation then was very much more stressful!

    LOL. Good to hear that I'm normal. Hehe.

    yah, when that happens, the bad mood disappears like magic!

  19. OMG, can't imagine me going thru all that has happened to you with my bad temper. I hope you are felling better already. I cried sometimes if I can't tahan. After that I felt better.

    Hope both babies are better by now. There are Sunshine outside and birds are chirping. :) Cheers MG!

  20. Big hugs to you! Hope both kiddos are feeling better now and so are you.

  21. Yo MG, hang in there. We are built tougher (like that Ford Ranger ad?). Hope kids are getting on ok.

  22. allyfeel,
    Oh I am feeling better ie monster went into hiding accept now I have lower back pain, not enuf sleep and a sore throat! (*cough cough*)

    Just my luck. Part time helper called in sick. Baby got little bit of diarrhea and my girl woke up with a high fever of 39.7 at 5.30am. Its under control with some sponging. Thanks for the concern.

    Both kids still sick. :( BUT... I've managed to do the laundry, change all the bedsheets, played and entertained and comforted them, cooked and fed and cleaned them and got them to nap. Not bad for half a days work eh? And still going strong like Ford. Hahahaha. Only, I better not fall sick myself cos who's gonna look after everybody if I am or rather who's going to look after me? Hehehe.

  23. Like children, we too get cranky when we are tired. Monster tend to surface when have PMS too. Asked my hubby to get punching bag for me so the monster can vent away from children. Good luck with the kids. Wish them speedy recovery. In the meantime hope you are fortifying yourself with lots of vitamins. Like you said, ship might sink if mommy gets sick.

  24. Mumsgather...hubby is a cool man. Most time, no matter how bad the situation, the girls (inc. me;)) would calm down. And as for the calls, normally I would just talk to him for a few minutes, and the monster dissapear.
    But funny, I'd be calmer when kids are sick, tougher too...I rarely get cranky even less sleep. maybe because I kesian them a lot!

  25. Life is not all plain sailing all the time.I have my share when the my kids were like yours....thank goodness it over now but I have to endure with teenage stuff now.What can I say "Life is life"

  26. You're taking care of a sick baby, it's normal to feel like that. Sometimes we blame our husbands for not helping out much, which makes things worse...I always feel like what you're feeling too, but keep telling myself to cool down, cool down,....

  27. oh no...hope tomorrow would be a better day yea...

  28. I hope ur baby and ur girl feel better now. Take care of yourself too. *hugs*

    Usually when kids fever, give them paracetamol to control their fever for at least 3 days. If the fever never goes down after the medicine, or didn't subside after 3 days, visit doctor. My paed told me try to avoid using suppository, this med is harmful to their intestines (maybe this lead to ur baby have diarrhoea afterwards).

  29. lian,
    Mummy oso sick now but ship notchet sink. Hahaha.

    How nice to have a voice of calm in the house, yes?

    "but I have to endure with teenage stuff now" ... Hahaha. It doesn't end yah? Having kids is a responsibility for life.

    Nope don't blame hubby for helping out more. He's doing the best he can. In fact kesian him for having so many distractions at home, cannot concentrate on work. :(

    Hmm.. me too.

    My girl also got the fever too and hers was very high too 40 degrees. So she also had the suppository. No choice lah. With fever so high the paed is worried they will get febrile seizures so need to bring down the fever quickly. The diarrhea is due to the antibiotics Augmentin which causes lose stools.

  30. mg, sorry to hear about the bad week. It happens, we're all imperfect, so don't knock yourself so hard. I hope the kids will recover quickly and mummy can turn into sugar and spice and all things nice.

  31. lydia,
    I hope so too, thanks. :)

  32. i am guilty of being monster mum at times and feel really guilty after that


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