Confessions of an Imperfect Mum

Long, venting post. Skip if you have better things to do.

I'm having a bad mum week. With my kids, I'm like Mdm Mum and Mrs Monster (Jekkyl & Hyde). One moment, I'm the loving, gentle mum, next I turn into a monstor. Simply terrifying. This week Mrs Monster reared its ugly head several times. (*hangs head in shame*)

Monday morning.......

"Smack!" my palm met a small cheek right after I tried to angrily shove (using more force than was necessary) a small morsel of food into a reluctant half opened mouth. Parenting Gurus' words "Don't turn mealtime into battletimes" echoed ignored somewhere in the recess of my mind. I felt like the maid who was abusing the kids while her employers are away. Seriously I can actually emphatize with any maid who does that. (Thats why no maid is watching my kids) Anyone who has to deal with not just one, but two picky eaters 3X a day, everyday, would turn into a monster too!

Baby was banished from the highchair soon afterwards while I fed his sister instead thinking I would try again later. I tried but he still shook his head vigorously and spit out everything I gave him. Sigh!

Monday afternoon.....

I found out that baby was having a fever. Ah! That explains the poor appetite. Poor baby! Bad mommy. Guilty mommy!

Monday night....

Baby was running a high fever and could not sleep most of the night. As if to pay pennance for being a bad mum earlier on, I had to hold him throughout the night so that he would at least get some rest.

Tuesday morning....

We decided to see if his fever would run its course without antibiotics. (As we usually do, by waiting one or two days to see if they recover on their own before we rush to the doc.) It did not. Baby was feverish and fretful all day long.

Tuesday evening....

Hubby rushed home to take us all to the paeditrician. The paed said he had very high fever, gave him a suppository (If you don't know what that is, its a capsule shoved in between his little butt cheeks to make the fever come down faster). He also got stripped and sponged by the nurse making him bawl very loudly indeed. Poor baby!

Tuesday night......

By the time we got home it was late. Had to feed everyone dinner and had loads to clean up afterwards. During dinner, my girl spilled soup all over the tablecloth and instead of saying "Its ok, its an accident". monster mum went into nagging mode.

While I was doing the dishes, my girl decided to throw a tantrum when I told her it was late and I was not free to play with them in the playpen as I usually do most evenings. (I know that if I had handled her differently ie explaining to her properly instead of brushing her off and ignoring her afterwards, the tantrum would not have happened. Sigh!) While, she got a spanking by daddy, I rushed to have a much longed for shower which I didn't have time for all day from looking after baby.

After the shower, I felt much more relaxed and sleepy so I began the nighttime routine for the kids. An hour later, baby was asleep and so was hubby who was simply too tired. I came out of the room to check the doors etc and when I went back in, I was greeted by a little voice saying "Mummy, I vomit." Aaarrrgghhh! I was so looking forward to sleeping at last, when I saw the mess my girl had made, I wanted to cry. I really did. She had vomitted all over the bedside table (it was a two tier one and both tiers were filled with vomit) as well as the mattresses I have stuffed at the side of the bed to fill in the gap (so that no one would fall off), on the floor, a bit of the bedsheet and skirting etc.

Monster mum swung into action. No comforting for my girl. Only nagging, scolding, lecturing etc etc. as I cleaned up the mess. Right after I cleaned up the mess, I was pondering whether to have a cup of warm drink when..... "Waaaahhhh!" Baby woke up! So I gave baby some medicine and we all went to bed. No warm drink for this Monster. I spoke more calmly to my girl and she told me that she couldn't wait and thats why she turned to the side to vomit instead of running towards the end of the bed cos she was afraid she would soil the bedsheets as she did several times before and got a scolding for it. Sigh! What a bad mommy I am.

I lay in bed with negative thoughts swirlling in my head. Mostly frustrated, stressed-up, guilty thoughts. What a way to fall asleep. I didn't have a good sleep either as baby woke up many times throughout the night. And the room smelt of puke. Ewe. My only wish before I slept is that baby would get better and that no one else in the house would fall ill.

This morning.....

My girl woke up coughing then points to her throat and said "Pain". Oh No! Somebody help me Pleasssseeee!

Updated: This afternoon......

Baby has diarrhea three times but otherwise seem ok. Fever under control.

My Girl threw up all of her lunch, refused to drink her milk and fell asleep on the sofa after lunch which is extremely unusual for her. She never wants to nap and definitely not that early. She woke up with a fever. So now I have on my hands two fretty, clingy babies who frets even when I'm carrying or "manjaing" them. Aiyoyo! Headache! We just visited the paed yesterday through all the rain and traffic and waiting. Don't tell me we have to do it again this evening.

Mr MG is so busy with work right now he is in no position to help me out though I know he's trying his best. In fact he needs my support right now and he needs to come home to peace not chaos now more than ever. So, I must remember to try to keep my cool. :)