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Monday, April 03, 2006



She Took Away My Husband

Recently I received an email forward from a girlfriend. Its sent by a SAHM, happily married for 10 years with two girls aged 8 and 5 and now 5 months pregnant with a baby boy whose husband is having an affair with a girl half his age and she just found out. Aarrghh! Another man with his brains in his pants! Somewhere in the email she mentioned that she would stay because of the children. It got me thinking..... I wonder what I would do if unfortunate enough to be in that situation.

Being a SAHM and financially dependant on the man of the house, makes this a rather scary thought. I suppose that if the affair is out in the open and the man is genuinely remorseful and ends it, the marriage could be given another chance and saved. Otherwise, its bye bye, adios, sayonara! Even without money, a job, there is no way that I would stay in a situation like that.

No matter how hard it would be, it would be bad for anyone's self esteem to stay "for the children". In fact, staying would eventually be bad for the children. It would be hard to rebuild a new life but its got to be done. However in that woman's case, she'd probably have to wait till her child is born first before deciding on the next step. My heart goes out to her, whoever she is.

MG says: Trust your man but don't trust too blindly. It is too easy to cheat on your partner. (It is a lot harder to stay faithful). We are surrounded by temptation all the time. All it takes is a moment of weakness, a step towards the wrong direction and a family (if you have children) is ruined. Once you take a step into the wrong direction, it would be very difficult to extricate yourself indeed and you'd have to lie and lies are built on further lies until it becomes easier and easier to lie. And before you know it, you're in too deep and your marriage is at stake. In life, you will always come across people better and more attractive than your partner in looks or character. True commitment is not crossing that line to seek out whats missing from your relationship for a single relationship cannot meet all of your needs.

24 comments:

  1. a&a'smom5:58 PM, April 03, 2006

    Argggh! Everytime I hear these stories , It gets my blood boiling!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. sigh...i have seen a lot of cases

    my heart goes out for her too..hope she will be strong, the kids need her

    each time when i read about this kind of story, i lose faith in men but i am gamble enough to go for my second chance, if i have

    i have lived through a bad marriage and i am still here

    i sincerely hope your friend will be strong

    if i can do it, she can too

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gosh, I real lots of these in the Sunday Star.... The things that some men do! It's really sad, but I too wouldn't know what to do in such a situation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. aiyak! why this fella so easy kena trap one? dius!

    ReplyDelete
  5. It's hard to say what course of action you will take, unless you are in that woman's shoes.
    Many things are easier said than done...
    Now, we may think we will not tolerate any infidelity, and that we will pack our bags and leave. But when and if it really hits, it will be a different story.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I will stay and plot my revenge. I mean if I am stuck in a limbo like that, prolly I will take up car repair. Heh, lesson one, how to meddle with car brakes. Muahahahar..ok, I read too much novels. And yeah, find an insurance person to pester the man to buy more life insurance first.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ok, soli, I wasn't thinking before I wrote that. Stay by yr friend and may she find the best direction for her and her kids.

    ReplyDelete
  8. this kind of situation, we all don't know what we will do unless we are in her shoe, gosh...

    I think get family support is one of the thing I can do if *touch wood* this happen to me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I wouldn't stay.. I believe.. Can't face him.. and I think will be bad for the children if there's lots of mistrust after the incident..

    Men.. they really put their brains some where else.

    Hope your friend is coping!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sorry about your friend, she has to be strong to stay in the marriage. I'm staying with someone who has a similar condition like her, but without the children. I know how painful it is to go thru that, I see it with my own eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  11. yup, u're darn right girl. i nvr stayed for the sake of my kids in my 1st marriage (not due to infidelity tho).

    i love myself and the kids too much to let us suffer and let the husband be selfish.

    and u're right about trusting the spouse. doesnt matter if its the wife or husband, u screwed up, u're done! right??????

    ReplyDelete
  12. Allo, allo,
    Semua orang tak baca ke? I said its an email forward and "whoever she is", not my personal friend lah. Hehehe.

    a&a'smom,
    If I send you the details your blood boil more!

    Siao Cha Bor,
    This is not a personal friend, but I do have some friends who have left a bad marriage behind and is much happier now, whether married again the second time or single again. So it may be tough but life goes on right?

    Baby Smooches,
    Some women do that too.

    buaya69,
    Cos' he dun have your self control mah. ;)

    king's wife,
    Perhaps its an oversimplification on my part and being idealistic. I was not putting myself in her shoes for only she would know what is the right course of action. I was merely putting myself in my own shoes hyphotetically speaking. I think that when no kids are involved it is much simpler to make a clean cut. If there are children, then it becomes a grey area. I think if you had very young kids like mine, it would be tough for a SAHM who is not financially independant to leave but if the marriage can no longer be saved, one can still start over ie find work and make sure their future is taken care of. However if the kids were old enough to understand and their expenses were higher then I think it would be very difficult for any parent to simply walk away and remove them from the financial stability and security of family but it gets easier again when the children leave the nest. Am I making sense here?

    5Xmom,
    Aiks? So lame ah? I thot you were going to severe something (other than the relationship), deep fry it and serve it to the young lady. hehehe. Wait hor, I forward the email to you. It'll make your blood boil enough to want to do that!

    maria,
    Have to beg, borrow or steal for financial support as well.

    zara'a mama,
    Yes, its sad for children of broken marriages but its better for them to stay with separated happy parents rather than stay in a tension filled unhappy home.

    shoppingmum,
    Yes, I've seen too. :(

    ely,
    Well, if screw up and can change its still not too late and some marriages can even be better after an affair but if the marriage cannot be saved theres no point in staying. I have a relative with two kids whose husband is having an affair with a chinadoll who suggested that he be at her home 3 days in a week and at the other woman's home the other days of the week or some stupid crap like that. Cis! Ridiculous don't you think?

    ReplyDelete
  13. what a coincident. I blog about stray men too before reading your post. :)

    I trust my hubby, of course there are times that I feel insecure too. Just hope that things like that don't happen to me. I think I will forgive my hubby if he turns back, if not, we will just need to walk our own path.

    ReplyDelete
  14. The one thing that I would never forgive my hubby about (other than hurting my children) would be to cheat on me. I know I am not perfect but who is? I believe once a cheater, always a cheater. The reason they never get caught again is because they just got better at lying.

    I hope this person finds the strength to carry on. Life is too short to live a lie, or to be living with a lie.

    ReplyDelete
  15. If such unfortunate thing were to happen to me, i wouldn't stay also..too painful and i think a strain relationship is not healthy for the kids..

    Hope your friend will find the strength to move on!

    ReplyDelete
  16. elaine,
    I don't think you should feel insecure. There's no reason to be.

    along,
    Once a person has learned how to lie to cover up an affair, I think they become desensitized to lying and sadly it becomes easier and easier to lie after that.

    blurblur,
    Sometimes perhaps a broken home is better than a strained home but its really sad when kids are involved.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hope your friend stay strong.

    I am not sure, I think I will stay for the better of my child while venturing into building my own bussiness.

    If it happenes, our heart usually already die and only want the best for our kids.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I really do not know what to do if that happens. As what allyfeel said, I probably do the same too.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I really can't make any clear comment here, as somebody I care dearly are in this situation now. It happen quite some time ago and till now still dunno what should do, as she got 5 kids and financially tied up with husband (cos they own a business). She certainly is in a very hard to resolve situation now, which nobody (and even her own family) can help her on making any decision. tough huh?!

    ReplyDelete
  20. allyfeel, khong family,
    Yah. I think anger will replace our own hurt and disappointment and the only thing we would think about or care about then is how to make life better for our children so that they are not so affected.

    Shiaulin,
    Thats really sad. 5 kids and financially tied up in business complicates the situation a lot, lot more!

    ReplyDelete
  21. It's really tough, isn't it? I would say that I will pack my bags and leave! Bye bye, no thank you.

    But I also believe my love for my children might hold me down.

    If you put the kids first, you stay. To put yourself first, you leave.

    So, the decision is whether you love yourself more or love your children more. and since i believe i love my children more....i might decide to stay.

    erm...dunno lah, really. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  22. marsha,
    In the end, it will be the children and their welfare which will rule our decision.

    ReplyDelete
  23. i also receive tat mail.. for me...

    i will let the guy choose... he done the thing then he should reslove it...

    i mean... he want tat girl or his lovely family?

    then... is the wife turn... to choose to forgive the guy or to leave...

    no matter wat is the solution... we need to judge n follow our inner heart to make the decision...

    it tough to make a decision if u have a lovely children....

    God bless us...

    ReplyDelete
  24. joey,
    Yes, yes, you make sense.

    ReplyDelete

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