Wife prefers to stay home, husband prefers wife to work

I wrote this on one of the days when my internet connection was down so it may sound a little bit ranty.

Wife prefers to stay home, husband prefers wife to work. Thats us. Of course, the other equation also happens. Wife prefers to work, husband prefers wife to stay home. Whatever it is, you've got to learn to get along and the most important thing of all is the kids should not be affected by your disagreement over this matter.

Just two days of no blogging outlet is enough to drive me grouchy. All that housework and cooking, and kids fighting and screaming and sticking to me all day is enough to drive me super grouchy and moody. I hadn’t realized how having a blog to vent my thoughts really helps me get through my days.

At least on my blog, someone listens. I could rant about this and that and someone would say “Yah, yah. I can relate to that. It happens to me too.” Then I don’t feel so bad or mad. Hehe. Sometimes the hubby is too tired to listen or he would just say “Just do it. Its your job. You chose to do it.” (Stay at home to look after the kids that is). Even if he doesn’t say it, I know that’s what he’s thinking because he has said it often enough.

Its no big secret to me that he prefers me to work while we share the household chores and the finances instead of specializing like these. Now, I do all the household related stuff (he helps me with some grocery shopping and worrying about some household issues but all the day to day childcare “work” of feeding, caring, bathing, getting the kids to sleep etc is done entirely by me). His job is to play with the kids and bring in the doe. (I don’t help him with that). Sometimes he’s even too tired to play with the kids much except weekends.

He has often said that there is an imbalance with this arrangement. The kids are much closer to me simply because of the time I spend with them and I ask him “Would you rather they be close to a maid or baby sitter and equally not so close to both of us?” Haih! Oh well, still he is supportive enough of my staying home to be with the kids and often thanks me for it but it doesn’t change his preference. (which makes it rather hard for me to “complain” about how hard it is being at the kids beck and call 27/7 or to ask for any help from him. Afterall, I don’t help him.)

This is just one of the differences we have to live with. I can’t change his preference and neither can he change mine. Being on one income is hard, we have to cut a lot of corners and be very mindful of our spending all the time and I know its really tough on him, the pressure of it all. However, there has never been a doubt in my mind that I want to be home with the kids. It just does not make any sense to me to pay someone else to look after my kids for me. It does not make sense to me to be able to spend only the evenings and weekends with them especially when they are so young. Of course financially, we would be able to afford more and this would translate to better things for the kids, better education, better life if I worked but I want to be home to nurture their emotional side too.

I wish we were more like minded in this area. For example, if he also wanted me to stay at home with the kids, when he sees that I’ve had enough of the kids for the day, he would take over gladly. However, since he is of the view that it would be so much nicer if we could share everything ie work outside plus childcare, his mindset is a little different. Although he is still supportive, its not the same, I feel. Sometimes I feel that he should do more to bond with the kids instead of saying that they are close to me because I stay home to look after them. Sometimes I feel guilty to even ask him to do anything since he is often so exhausted and I can’t help him much, what more to expect him to help me instead. Haih! Its not easy being a SAHM, even more so when your spouse does not mind the arrangement, supports you because he knows its what you prefer BUT you are fully aware that he prefers it otherwise. Sigh!

Sorry, I’m just ranting. I’m certainly not saying that leaving your kids to be looked after by someone else makes anyone a bad mum. I’m sure the working mums who visit my blog are wonderful mothers. I can tell by reading your blogs. In fact sometimes quality time spent with your kids is even better than quantity time. Having a caring, loving mum who comes home in the evening to hug and love and take care of you might be better than having one who is at home all day screaming at you. Hahaha.

At the time I wrote this, I was having blog withdrawal symptoms therefore my post sounded more negative than what I usually like it to be. Lol! Yes, blame it on someone or something. Thats terrible isn't it? Hubby always say that I don't take responsibility for my actions/what I do but like to blame others or circumstances. Hmmm.... I suppose he could be right..... some of the time.