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Monday, June 30, 2008

When you have two kids...

This mommy wants to hear my experience as a mother of two. She wants to know what it was like initially and how did I cope with a newborn and a toddler. I checked my Mothering Times blog and found that I had written so many posts about this. This must be my favourite topic. Hahaha. Here are the links to the posts.

Since I've written quite a bit about it before, I won't revisit those areas which I've mentioned. Instead, I'll like to add here about what fun it is to have two kids. My husband and I would like to have more kids but we can't due to my age and health. So, we are happy with our two.

Our two kids are the best playmates to each other. We often hear them talking nonsense, playing silly games and giggling or laughing hard at their own silly jokes. This is one thing that my husband and I can never be to our kids. We can never be the kind of playmate they are to each other, no matter how hard we try.

Of course they fight all the time too but they also support each other and are the best of friends. Sometimes they "gang up" against mommy but that is just one way of them supporting each other. They challenge each other and compete with each other but they also encourage each other too and I think the best way to teach a child to share is to give them a sibling.

As parents, I find that (now that the children are older) we actually have more time for each other (our spouses) since the kids are such wonderful playmates for each other. We don't have to worry about entertaining them since they can entertain, play and fight with each other. Haha.

We try to be fair to both of them but I do think that the eldest child by default usually gets extra time, attention and new toys and clothes. Still, we will always try our best to be fair to both.

On love, there will always be enough love to go around for all our kids. I believe that the more kids you have the more love you can give and receive. However, I do think that it is also the parent's job to try to make sure that our kids remain the best of friends instead of becoming arch enemies in later life.

For example, I love my sisters and we are the best of friends to each other. In fact, we are lifelong friends. We will always be around for each other in times of need. That is something very reassuring. But I do know of siblings who played together when they are young but no longer talk when they are in adulthood. That is just so sad.

On finances, I guess, yes, its true that the more kids you have, the less $$ you have to go around them all or you'd have to work extra hard. But what they lose out in terms of $$ and time, they gain, hopefully, in terms of love and familial support. They also have to learn to share and support each other. For example the older ones, support the younger ones etc though its really not that easy to make sure that this happens especially when the kids are very close in age.

Oh gosh. I'm long winded as usual. I hope I have answered that mommy's question. :)

We always tell the kids. "We are one happy family. When you go out there, sometimes there are people who are not nice to you (for example when their buddies "don't want to friend them"), but you can always come home to your family and know that your family loves you and cares about you very much. Your family will always be there for you, so be nice to each other." We tell them this when they are fighting. Haha.

Psstt: Any other mommy or daddy with two kids or more who want to give your opinion, please leave your link/url in the comment box after you have done so and I will link to you in my main post. I know many moms with 2 kids but I'm lazy to tag anyone on this. :P


  1. That makes a lot of sense, thanks. Maybe you have some advice on having three kids? My wife always says with three kids the one in the middle gets left out or something...?

  2. Hey there Julian,
    Unfortunately I am unable to have 3 and I am the last of 5 so I can't tell you much about the middle child syndrome (ie not getting the attention like the first and not having the special place of the last, neither here nor there.) You can read up my post on Birth Order Dynamics (link above) which will link you to more links about the subject. :)

  3. Looks like some very healthy family dynamics are in place in your household. But what would your take be on sibling rivalry once the children pass the three- or four-year mark (thinking ahead, really, since we've only just had the one baby)? Especially, do you think siblings who are almost the same age are more likely to maintain a level of rivalry than if they were spaced out some?

  4. Hey cloudsters,
    I've been told by those whose kids ages are close together like mine ie 2 years apart, that the rivalry is more keen than when their ages are further apart.

  5. Thanks, I will check it out :)

  6. Having 3 is interesting too, different than having 2 but you could not compare just like that. For me, parenting is like an art or skill of learning by doing. You can't tell your friend precisely about something in parenting unless your friend doing it too. Let it flow, do some error here, make the best there, it's ok...just enjoy it. then you can still a sane mom/dad! haha....
    Is it right MG? What about you Julian?

  7. so true...Children indeed are a blessing and joy to have..

  8. henny,
    Spot on. Hehe. I would love to find out the dynamics of 3 but ....

    blessed mum,
    Yes, they are a joy to have. :)

  9. Well, we have no kids as yet, but we're hoping soon...
    I was the youngest of six, and my wife the oldest of two. So we have different experiences there :)

  10. julian,
    Hoping soon? Than you have to work reaaaally hard now as Getting Pregnant is Hard Work. hahaha.

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  12. I like the way you put it when you say that " Our two kids are the best playmates to each other. This is one thing that my husband and I can never be to our kids. We can never be the kind of playmate they are to each other, no matter how hard we try."

    It is so true. Despite the fights that they have, when they are playing well together, I think they love those moments more than when we play with them.

    My only wish for them is that they will become each other's best friend.

    Though having two is handful, but we are glad that we made the decision to have more than one child.

  13. wmd,
    "My only wish for them is that they will become each other's best friend."

    Yes, that is my wish too and I think we can do something about that by steering them along the way and teaching them to love one another and letting them know that the family unit is very important. Well, hopefully, anyway. :)

  14. Ya, I also want my two girls to be each other best friends. Is fun to see them play together, the younger one is imitating everything the jie jie is doing now.

  15. my 2 teenagers r best friends. except now that my son is in singapore and my daughter is here in SF, its hard for them but they know that they have each other to fall upon.

    as for this 19 mth old one? she is so very close to my daughter, shes not like a best friend but a leech (hahaha) to the older one and the older one loves it!

  16. contented mum,
    Haha. Yes, they imitate and influence each other a lot.

    I wouldn't mind having such an adorable 19 month old "leech" myself. Haha.

  17. from your previous post in May 2007 to now (July 2008), I am still wanting another kid and not brave enough to go through with it. Perhaps I shall never be brave enough. My only concern is for the child to be born a healthy child,nothing more, nothing less. With my age, its a huge risk !! and the risk just get bigger and bigger every year !


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