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Wednesday, May 04, 2005


I am kiasi. Not because I am afraid of death (its hard to be afraid of the unknown) but rather because I am afraid of leaving the people I love behind.

I am afraid of leaving my Mr MG behind to raise our kids alone the way my dad had to with us. A man needs a wife to love him and a mother to look after his kids. Its hard enough to be a parent but to be a single parent is many times harder. I salute all single parents.

I am afraid of leaving my little ones behind. They're so young and innocent and have so many more milestones to cover and things to learn. I would not want them to grow up without a mom to love them the way I had to.

So I tell Mr MG. "If I die, you must remarry but got condition one. First, your new wife must love our kids and Second, you better not allow our kids to forget about me. You must keep on telling them about me to remind them." (I'm not sure new wife would like that very much!) The second condition is something I am terrified of because my kids are so young now, I couldn't bear it if they forgot me. (Not that I'd know if I were dead). Hehe. Tough! No wonder my dad never remarried even though he was only 44 when my mom died. His reason has always been "Its not easy to find a woman to love your kids and not want to have some of her own" and he didn't want to have any more kids. 5 of us must have been a handful as it is. Plus, my dad is a simple and straightforward man so I don't think he enjoyed the thought of having an extended family with more kids and the kids all fighting with one another!

Similarly, I've told Mr MG. "If anything happened to you, be assured that though it will be very hard, I will find the strength within me to make sure I go out to get a job and still do the best that I can to look after the children financially and emotionally." I know that being the sole breadwinner the thought of "Whats going to happen to my family without my income?" may sometimes add stress and pressure to his already stressful job so I tried to reassure him. Not sure if it helped though. I told him that "I only appear weak, dependant and helpless now becuse you are around mah." (I am old fashioned mah. I like my man to at least appear to be stronger than me. Hehe. Lucky for me he is.)

Why the sudden morbid thoughts? Because I had to do an MRI of the brain recently to look for a brain tumour (they did not find anything so far but I am still kiasi :PpP) and because 5XMom reminded me and then disallowed comments.


  1. stay positive always - with faith in God, hope for your kids/husdband/family/future - u shall overcome this.

  2. I feel the same way too .. MG.. but i'm torn between getting my daughter a new mom.. or not. But i prefer not.. coz' i know for sure.. my spouse and my MIL and FIL would be always there for Chloe.

  3. Just wondering what if i die my spouse will remarry.If she does so be it as long as she is happy.As for me if my spouse die I think I won't want to marry again. Take care MG.

  4. *guilty* OK, I go back and blog somemore and allow comments. Percolator asked dy, 'maam, why knot comment'. I wrote that blog with a few people in mind. I guess we have to face 'it' sooner or later. It become less scary once we face our fears.

  5. Thanks Anon. Who r u? Leave name lah, dun be shy. :)

    MrsT, twinsmom, this my ramblings only, didn't realise y'all oso feel the same. I think we can't help it as mothers of very young children.

    thquah, yah so long as the spouse is happy, I don't mind but I think its not easy to remarry.

    5Xmom, you didn't inform percolator that now can comment ah?

  6. I think everyone also kiasi one, just that they don't want to admit it. Sometimes when i fall sick and i stop doing all the routine things, only i realize so many things that i missed. Or else we justr rush through each day without any meaning.

  7. Halo MG, may i suggest to make a will be4 sad things happen? at least you can arrange things at your way.

    take care.

  8. Mr Kiasu oso kiasi ah? ;)

    loc Kee, thanks for the suggestion. Now thats another thing to add to my procrastination bag.


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