Parent Martyr

Who's a Parent Martyr?

1. the working mum who tries too hard to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, employee/boss, colleague and has too little time or forgets about herself in the process
2. the working dad who feels constant pressure and stress to provide for the family financially and worries all the time about what will happen to the family if he is not in the driving seat and in the process grows a few more white hairs or turn bald!
3. the working dad who tries to do the above plus try to help out the Ah SAHM in their job and in the process becomes very resentful
4. the Ah SAHM or Ah SAHD who works 24/7 at a job which is physically taxing and emotionally draining and in the process turns either into a door mat or worse .... a nag! or both (ie a nagging door mat. Yikes! What an awful combination.)

What happens to Parent Martyrs?

I am in danger of turning into Parent Martyr type 4. So How? Better do something for myself very soon. Like, have a nice uninterupted shower for instance. Or go out and buy myself some luxury item which I don't need. Ooh I haven't bought anything for myself just for the pleasure of it for I can't remember how long.

When you are a SAHM and your family is supported by just one income you have to forgo a lot of little luxuries. My wish list is now a mile long. I wish to have flowers, perfume, make-up, SKII.... (this Ah SAHM woman mah, very vain one....) , pretty clothes (this one cannot fulfill when you're fat! they make pretty clothes for thin ppl only so can only ogle. Cis!) and shoes (this Ah SAHM has only one black bag and one black shoe, sooooo boring. I'm dying for some coloured stuff but it seems so wasteful when I hardly get to use them?), some nice music CDs cause I love music (but that too is wasteful when you don't have the time to listen and there's free internet radio). Theres lots more on my wish list but I won't bore anyone reading lah.

I had my hair done during Chinese New Year. Since its a once a year thing, Mr MG told me no worries go and have a nice hairdo but it cost a bomb (*pengsan*) I feel so guilty plus I could have bought so many other things on my wish list and worse still now the hair is back to the Ah SAHM look! Ish! Nevermind, I have my blog. Now thats for me, I and myself. My thinking place and ranting place where I can laugh at myself and cry if I want to. And today, I feel like crying and laughing at the same time.

Forgiveness

Once upon a time, someone I care about betrayed my trust. Ouch! It hurt me very much then. I couldn't sleep for weeks! I was 7 1/2 pregnants then so not being able to sleep made me worry about the baby and that made me even more sleepness! What a nightmare!

Well, its people you love who has the greatest power to hurt you the most. I mean, afterall, if you didn't care two hoots about that person, you wouldn't feel hurt in the first place now, would you? I decided to forgive that person. What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness is... letting go, really letting go and NEVER allowing it to hurt you or your relationship with that person EVER again (this means no bringing it up, especially not in times of anger, now thats true letting go).

So how do you let go? Before that, you must first come to terms with the hurt and the one who caused the hurt. Ask all the questions you have, cry, shout, rant and do whatever it takes to get it out of your system in other words COME TO TERMS with it. You are entitled to that.

Forgiveness is... not forgetting. They are two very different things. Even until now, I still think about that betrayal. It still mades me sad BUT I will NEVER bring it up again nor will I dwell on it and allow me to cause me more pain. Its in the past, gone now, burried, dead, kaput! Allowing a past wrong to continue to hurt the present and the future is indeed a very stupid thing to do. Thats letting go... Maybe in time, I will forget but probably by that time I would also have forgotten a lot of other things!

I am happy I found out about the wrong and actually thankful to the person who told me about the wrong. Yes! Because knowing about it actually turned it into an opportunity, an opportunity for me to get this obstacle out of the way and move on to concentrate on other more important things. I am grateful the 'cat is out of the bag' so the person would no longer have to keep this secret from me, thats so unhealthy for this person's wellbeing. So between the bliss of not knowing and the pain of knowing coupled with the better wellbeing of this person, I choose the latter.

Don't understand what I'm talking about? Nevermind, this post is for me. I only have this to say, If you have hurt someone, confess it, then do whatever that is necessary to help the person you hurt get over it, then move on. Its bad for the soul to keep quiet about it. If someone has hurt you and is remorseful, forgive that person, then move on.

No!

Baby Image from Hassle Free Clip Art.com

MG to toddler:

"No! You can't have that. Please put it back!"

"No! Don't touch that! Thats dangerous."

"No! Don't pull baby's hair."

"No! Don't put that in your mouth."

"No! Don't climb on the table."

"No! You can't have another tub of yoghurt. One a day is enough."

and the list goes on.....

Toddler to MG:

MG: "Come here and change your diapers."
Toddler: "No."

MG: "Come here and eat your porridge."
Toddler: "No."

MG: "Come here. Its time for your bath."
Toddler: "No."

MG: "Come and wear your socks."
Toddler: "No."

The moral of the story: What goes around comes around.

Recently toddler has discovered the power of the word "No" so she's busy practising it. *(*rolls eyes*) "The experts" say don't say "No" to a child too often or this is what you get. "The experts" also say let them win some battles, blah..blah..blah.

This is a toughie for parents. Some rules needs to be established so that we don't end up with little spoilt brats running around but sometimes this is easier said than done. Its easy, waaaaaay too easy, to give in when one is very busy, running late or just too darned tired. (MG: "No, don't touch the keyboard!" Time to go... Be back later!)

Poll Results

MG's "I Love You" Poll is now officially closed.

Here are the results. And (*drum roll*) the Grand Total of people voting is....(*more drum roll*) errr (*giggling* "Don't laugh ya?) 18! (*Ta da!*)

MG's Poll
Will You Say It?
Yes, Very Important, must say everyday one 33.3% (Nos:6 voted)
Yes, On Special Occassions and when I'm in the mood lah 61.1% (Nos:11 voted)
No Need Lah, So Shy, show enough mah 0% (No: 0 voted. Mr MG would have voted for this I think so MG married a very unique, special, one of a kind man, coz no one else chose this. Hehe)
What for? He/She should know how I feel 5.6% (No: 1 voted. Who's this? Please own up. Haha. Sorry, just kidding. Your identity is protected.)
Thanks for Voting!

For those of you interested in running your own poll in your own blog. Here is the url I used to create the poll. The International Voting Centre Its really easy to create. Just type in your heading and questions, choose the layout and colours and generate. You will get a script to paste in your page or a url which I used. Easy? Why not give it a try. You can run a poll on just about anything your little heart so desires. Its your blog after all, so who cares right?

"I love you."

Guy: "I love you"
Girl: "I love you too"
(Couple look at each other's eyes, locked in warm embrace and mmmmmmuah smack!)

Just how important is this phrase "I love you." And Just how often is it uttered? Especially in a less expressive culture like ours?

We get a lot of the above scene, thanks to reading all those teenage romance novels and romantic movies but how is it like in real life? Are guys more 'shy' to utter it? Are girls more eager to hear it? Is it a gender difference thing or a culture thing, whether its uttered or not?

These are questions MG is asking herself today. You see, I don't think many of us grew up in homes where everybody runs around saying "I love you." Mr MG has said it ? times (*count count count*) err.. use one hand oso can count. Claims he's "shy" wor. He says action speaks louder than words. He says always say oso meaningless if the action says otherwise. So how to tell if my Mr MG loves me? Hmmm... ok lets see,

• he switches on/off my handphone for me when we are going out and makes sure my batteries are charged. (Haha. this one oso counted. Little things counts mah.)
• he goes out and buys me a headband when he sees mine is broken
• he tries to make me laugh when I'm upset
• once he tagged along with his lady colleagues to a costume jewellery warehouse sale and bought some for me (oh the jewellery is not important to me but the act of tagging along with the female colleagues to do a girl thing like dungu like that. haha.)
• he refrains from shouting back at me when I'm shouting at him (really ha, this Mr MG got very good self control wan. Can speak calmly to people even when people shouting at him)
• he always makes sure I don't forget important stuff cos I'm a "tai tou har" (tai tou har = big head prawn/forgetful)
• ada banyak lagi (theres a lot more) but I won't bore anyone reading with little details, I keep in my heart lah

One of the rare times he said it was during our wedding. As according to the Chinese custom, he could not collect the bride and had to go through all the bride's "chi mui" (chi mui = sisters and girlfriends) first. Second sister asked "Why do you want to marry my sister?" and Mr MG said "Because I love her very much!" Aiyoh, MG inside the room "kam tong toh seh" (very touched). Buden hor, some eager young nephew or niece chose that exact moment to bang into the video camera wor. Sob sob sob. So MG kenot play it over and over again, no more evidence, all wiped out liao accept in the head and heart.

I know Mr MG loves me lah but then still I'd like to hear it more often. I know the man more than 10 years but has heard it less than 5 times! (Hmm... that averages less than once in 2 years. Aiyoh!) I oso seldom say wan becos shy mah. Write maybe easier lah but to say it feel a bit one kind. Maybe its our culture.... or maybe its just us.

Is saying or hearing "I Love You" all that important? I'm not sure........ What do you think? Click on the link to take MG's mya KPC Poll.