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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Parent Martyr

Who's a Parent Martyr?

  1. the working mum who tries too hard to be a good wife, mother, daughter, sister, employee/boss, colleague and has too little time or forgets about herself in the process
  2. the working dad who feels constant pressure and stress to provide for the family financially and worries all the time about what will happen to the family if he is not in the driving seat and in the process grows a few more white hairs or turn bald!
  3. the working dad who tries to do the above plus try to help out the Ah SAHM in their job and in the process becomes very resentful
  4. the Ah SAHM or Ah SAHD who works 24/7 at a job which is physically taxing and emotionally draining and in the process turns either into a door mat or worse .... a nag! or both (ie a nagging door mat. Yikes! What an awful combination.)

What happens to Parent Martyrs?

I am in danger of turning into Parent Martyr type 4. So How? Better do something for myself very soon. Like, have a nice uninterupted shower for instance. Or go out and buy myself some luxury item which I don't need. Ooh I haven't bought anything for myself just for the pleasure of it for I can't remember how long.

When you are a SAHM and your family is supported by just one income you have to forgo a lot of little luxuries. My wish list is now a mile long. I wish to have flowers, perfume, make-up, SKII.... (this Ah SAHM woman mah, very vain one....) , pretty clothes (this one cannot fulfill when you're fat! they make pretty clothes for thin ppl only so can only ogle. Cis!) and shoes (this Ah SAHM has only one black bag and one black shoe, sooooo boring. I'm dying for some coloured stuff but it seems so wasteful when I hardly get to use them?), some nice music CDs cause I love music (but that too is wasteful when you don't have the time to listen and there's free internet radio). Theres lots more on my wish list but I won't bore anyone reading lah.

I had my hair done during Chinese New Year. Since its a once a year thing, Mr MG told me no worries go and have a nice hairdo but it cost a bomb (*pengsan*) I feel so guilty plus I could have bought so many other things on my wish list and worse still now the hair is back to the Ah SAHM look! Ish! Nevermind, I have my blog. Now thats for me, I and myself. My thinking place and ranting place where I can laugh at myself and cry if I want to. And today, I feel like crying and laughing at the same time.


  1. MG: But hor, u have your kids enuff liao, that I think is a luxury in itself, having the children with someone u love & care about...

  2. hi mg nice blog u have going on here where i can relate to being a mum to a 2 y.o. its the guilt i can't stand i seem to feel guilty about everything. not spending enough time and bla bla

    keep up the good writing

  3. Hohoho, actually I wrote a blog about 'Leave me alone' but I terdelete it and did not put up. I was about to explode a few days ago too. Since dah terdelete, the vented already vented so nothing left to vent and hence, cannot write liao. But now, reading yours is enough consolation, dy. Okokok, I got blog to write about marriages. But it is nice to let people wait with anticipation. *muahahaha*

  4. serious serious.. let's see..

    "have flowers" -> plant yourself, or steal from the neihgbour

    "perfume, make-up, SKII" -> these are just advertising gimmicks.. normal soap does it all. make yourself: http://www.munkit.net/weblog/2004/09/how-to-make-soap.htm

    "pretty clothes and shoes" -> petaling street :pPP

    "nice music CDs cause I love music" -> don say i never teach you MG :P Use a p2p client, you can have access to virtually ALL song that exist in this world.. and ALL albums that's been released.

    (ops ops.. enforcer don come n tangkap me.. i only educate, but don embrace okay)

    that should save a lot of $$ for you :))

  5. I really hear you .. MG! i'm almost the same.. my chloe and spouse.. and employees come first.. but yes.. i should do something for myself.. but what would pleasure me more.. than to buy more clothings.. or shoes.. or food.. or a movie for my chloe.. i guess not much.. ! so i learn to be contented.. with what i have.. and donch get me wrong ok.. my spouse NEVER stops me from buying anything.. be it for myself.. groceries.. or for chloe.. but it's just me.. since like you .. we are one income family too.. ;) So i hear you loud and clear .. MG.. and yer not alone.. :) We are just very special women.. :)

  6. Mystic, yeah mystic, my family is my "luxury".

    5XMom, Ya lor, you very bad. Whole life make ppl suspense. Put pic summore... sooooo curious!

    Flowers: I come and steal from your house hor.
    Munkit's soap?: No thankQ, I use water enuf adi.
    Petaling street clothes: Eeeyea you so Ah Beng wan ah.
    Use a p2pclient: No comment. I oso sked of enforcer.

    MrsT, You oso donch get me wrong ya? I too am very contented with what I have and Mr MG NEVER stops me wan but I stop myself lah. Pity the man, he works so hard I don't want to spend on frivolous items.

  7. I hear yer.. MG.. sama-sama thinking..hor..!!

  8. 休息是为了走更长远的路...:)
    So, go pamper yourself once in a while ler.

  9. Oh dear...why do SAHMs always feel so torn? Straddling between the pride of raising your own kids and, and..the agony of missing out on career or the trappings working women enjoy.

    And then the working women feel the other side of the pain.

    I guess we'll always be looking on the other side of the pasture..

    I no work and no kid..also suay leh - The unbearable lightness of being.

    Hang in there, MG. All sufferings souls are here wif you. :P (like it makes it better.)

  10. Tats y I'm still a ftwm lor..haii..selfish hor?

  11. mir's mama, Oops! Sorry. I missed you the first time. (Becos your name in black and I only saw blue!)
    Yes GUILT! even the word feels heavy.

    Jason, you forgot auntie=banana. Wait ah I get babel ....
    "The rest is for walk the watch the long term road"
    Okie. I understand the gist of it now.

    ET, Nope. Don't feel torn at all. The grass is definitely greener on my side.

    msau, no I don't think thats being selfish. We all gotta do what we gotta do.

  12. MG,

    Must pamper yourself once in a while. Nanti koyak la. I am sure Mr. MG won't mind.

  13. wow, MG, you really spoke what i felt.

    keep up the good blog.

  14. Ah Pink, no he won't mind.

    Simon, so which type you turning into?

    I forgot to mention that put any combinations of the types together and you get a double kaboom!!

    And I may have missed out Type 5 ie the working dad who has to work as well as do his share of the housework somewhat reluctantly becos his wife is a working mum too.

  15. I always think that my choi chan (property) is my kids so everything should come to my kids first then you wont be so sad lor.Your kids nice then you get more face mar.

  16. no...myside the grass is greener...LOL...

    hai yah, soap can buy from ET mah, no need to DIY wan.

    MG, your wishlist very much like mine wor, and the reason don't get also same like mine wor. no worry, when your son reach 2 years old, you can have a good aromatherapy shower, sure can, I just had one :P (MG: "sei twinsmom, come here chi-geek me")

    I believe Mr.MG same like Twinsdad never giam-siap on spending on wife, but we always think SAHM mah, hardly wear those cloth and shoe, buy so many for what?

    but hor, go to Thai fair in Puchong Tesco, they got nice cloth very CHEAP, I bought a few, really cheap and nice, linen wan, long sleeve or short, all white, or got khaki tone also, a little bit of emboidery wan, something like the one you wear to the Mid valley kids fair wan. a lot, and cheap, did I mention cheap already? RM19 for one.

  17. what abt, you are working, have your own money but still couldnt buy those things you've listed. much more pathetic, right?

    thats me, by the way =(

  18. 1+2mom, my choi chan always comes first oso.

    Twinsmom, sei twinsmom, come here chi-geek me. Hehe. Puchong ah, *calculate calculate* RM19 + transport RM12. Kenot! RM31 not cheap!

    Hazel, Haha. 'Cos we sayang family thats why family always come first before self.

  19. MG : Wah lew, the babel dictionary really damn kaw lously lah! So badly translated. In English leh, err, loosely translated means..... take a rest so that you can walk further. means... pamper yourself once in a while and you will err, well, work harder. :bpbpb

  20. And now you go and pamper yourself right away and then be refreshed for another round of parent martydom...that's life once one becomes a parent :)

  21. today no blog.. must have gone shopping ah ? MG :P

  22. Ah..MG. I am becoming Parent Martyt #1. When was my last facial? I think 3 years back. My last family holiday was end of 2003 (raya, etc doesn't countlah). Everytime I go shopping, I buy stuff for my kids. Sampai my bra & panties also koyak2, I still wear. Coz insidelah, no one see. Hahahaha..

  23. Hi MG

    I was a SAHM until my girlgirl turned one, then I went back to work because we needed the income. And then the most terrible thing on earth happened... I caught my Indonesian maid beating my girlgirl on the head. My girlgirl was only 18 months old then. I sacked the maid and became a SAHM again. So much regrets and just cannot forgive myself for leaving girlgirl alone with the maid and my MIL (MIL not 100% mentally present all the time because she is already so old, so the maid gets away with alot of things that I only found out after I sacked her and sent her home to Indo). After awhile, I became Parent Martyr Type 4 as you had described, and the worst thing was MIL started to "bully" me because she felt that Hubs was the sole breadwinner, she I'm living off her family. BIG SIGH. Can you imagine, me, as someone who has a PhD become a SAHM and have to put up with nonsense from a siao MIL?

    Ok, I gave up and put my girlgirl in a childcare centre, and went back to work. Now, I'm Parent Martry Type One because we dun dare to hire another maid and MIL had stormed off to her own home.

    The moral of the story is, no body really "wins" in the worldly sense of the word. My only consolation is that I love my girlgirl very much and she is my pride and joy.

    Still trying to learn how to balance work life with parenting life... it's really hard, and no PhD on earth can prepare anyone for becoming a parent.


  24. fuihyoh diamond, what a story!


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