Different child rearing values between parents and grandparents

"You talk too much. I'm not bringing any of your cousins to see you. I don't like you. Nobody likes you because you talk too much. Nobody wants to come and see you."

My girl tends to be chatty to the point of annoyance. Recently when my dad couldn't stand it anymore, that was what he told her. This has happened more than once. He has said the above to her a few times in different words but the message is the same.

I do not think it is good for a child to hear such negative things. I want to bring up a self-confident child with good self esteem and hearing such things is not good for anyone's esteem. So when I heard that, I immediately told my girl (in the presence of my dad) "No. Kong kong is just kidding. You are sometimes a bit noisy but that does not mean that nobody likes you because of it."

First, I did not bother to explain to my dad because he thinks differently. He will only say I am spoiling my girl and I feel hurt because he has scolded her etc. He is also not young. He has had a stroke and I treasure every moment that he is still around with us so if I could, I would keep quiet instead of arguing with him.

However, I did not hesitate but to explain to my girl in front of my dad. He just smiled but I wonder how he felt and what went on in his head. Perhaps I should have waited till he was out of sight before explaining but I was afraid that she would have forgotten about the incident and to bring it up again would have been unneccessary. Did I do the right thing?

Immediately after that, when dad wanted to leave, my girl said "Kong kong naughty. Don't come again." to which I immediately reprimanded her and asked her to apologise to her grandfather. She only did so reluctantly and after being told off by me repeatedly to which kong kong said "She won't say one lah. She is very stubborn."

Sometimes as parents we are caught between our children and their grandparents. Sometimes they feel the way we bring up our children is wrong. However, my problem in this area is limited to the twice a week visits from my dad. The rest of the grandparents are all gone now, sadly. I wonder how those who stay with their parents or in-laws handle or cope when their child rearing values clash. Its must be tough to be caught in the middle.