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Thursday, June 01, 2006

For every action there is a reaction

In my previous post, I was talking about going beserk when my girl wets the bed at naptime. Now we usually wake up from nap about the time when hubby comes home from work. So occassionally the moment he walks in the house, he is greeted with the scene of a grumpy sleepy old lady carrying a pile of sheets, a wet crying girl and another crying baby who just woke up and is not happy about being ignored.

The other day when I wrote the post, hubby's action was like this. He came in, took off his tie, set his briefcase down, removed his shoes, washed his hands, then goes quietly to my girl to help her take off her wet clothes. Then he takes her to the shower to rinse the urine off her, takes a new set of clothes from the cupboard and helps her put it on while talking gently to her. "Its ok. Next time try to tell mummy you want to go to toilet to shh shh ok?" Whenever I happen to walk pass him, he gives my shoulders a gentle squeeze and say "Its ok. I know its hard." After that he picks crying baby up and says "Come to daddy!" He does all this despite having had a rough day at work. I know because he told me about his day afterwards. Whats my reaction to that action of his? Woohoo! He is the man! I love him to bits and pieces for being so wonderful. My frustration goes away (after a while). I pick baby up to hug and kiss (as baby was struggling to find mummy. Poor daddy!) Then I go and prepare dinner happily for everyone while feeling bad for my girl.

Sometimes however, I get this action from the hubby. He frowns. He tells me he has a bad day and thinks he can come back to some peace and quiet only to be greeted by more chaos with his wife shouting at his daughter and the house in disarray, sheets hanging over the furniture everywhere to dry. He tells me to have more patience with the girl, in front of the girl. When baby cries harder for me, he tells me that happens because I spoil them thats why. And what is my reaction to this action? Even if I may not say it aloud, I'm thinking "Yah, you try to do this and see whether you can remain patient. You think you're the only one who has had a hard day?" I could go on and on with the negative train of thoughts that goes through my head. I go and prepare dinner with a scowl on my face and during dinner when baby spits out his food and my girl plays with her food and get them all over herself, the table and the floor, I become even grumpier and so does he and we wear black faces whenever we pass by each other. And should he pass a remark about how the girl isn't feeding herself because I have not trained her well..... a words war will follow :P

Lol! This is a just example but it happens. The way we act towards another, be it our spouse, our co-workers, our friends, relatives and children really matters. You can influence how other people react to you simply by changing the way you act towards others. I was writing about my different reactions towards the way hubby acts towards me in a specific situation but this is actually a reminder to myself to act better towards those that matter to me because how I act will elicit different responses or reactions from them. So watch it MG. Watch how you behave all of the time as you can influence your surroundings and ultimately your own day and happiness simply by changing the way you act towards others!


  1. Thanks for this reminder - i have to watch my actions too!

    I find your example so true, that's what happens to us sometimes. When hubby returns home late from office and i show him face, our evening would be ruined...but if i greet him with a smile and hug and ask about his day, we would have a great evening!;)

  2. I see myself in your post, so similar. There were times when I was so angry with JS that I ignore her and show her my grumpy face, WH also got effected because of my bad mood (this usually happens the time hubby suppose to be back from work), instead of a good rest, hubby have to sooth crying babies.

    He would talk softly and gently to JS" why you make mummy angry again. Next time dont. OK" The gentleness in his tone, makes me feel real guilty and bad.

    My hubby also tell me to be patient and told me the kids reacted like that because I've spoilt them. I also wanted to yell at him "Hey, you have not gone through what I've been, how you know". Many times we ended up sour face with each other and not talking to each other.

    I'm also trying/learning to be mindful to react in a more light hearted way. So that the surronding wont be so tense.

  3. Deja vu...

    our life with kids is like riding roller coster, whee.... we zoom to the top and have all the wonderful view, and then with trill, excitement and heart attack, we zoom to the bottom and only see the urgly steel bars all around, and then whee... again we being swing around in circle and dizzy, then again went back up again.

    life of a married woman with kids is like riding a ever going roller coster.

    Have fun!


  4. hmmm... I really have to take cue from Mr MG hor... and ask my wife to take cue from you :)

    really a model couple!

  5. This is a meaningful post for me, i find that i'm always lost my control to yell to my son and even my husband. I know he has hard work sometimes, but does he know raising a kid is as hard as his work?

    After reading your post, i think i should control a bit in order to have happily scene surrounding the house. Once the lady in the house is happy, the whole family will happy too!

  6. Hey, it's just the same experience for us too. But sometimes, we don't learn our lessons, huh?

    Most of the time I will try to stay away from the kdis and hubby when I'm very angry or frustated, and get back to them when I'm okay ;)

    Hubby is a patient and happy go lucky guy, so he is always cool.. lucky me :)

  7. After reading this, I know I am not alone and I think I am normal too! lol

    Still have to learn how to give and take in marriage life!

  8. Haha..so familiar. My hubby will act the same way as Mr MG. And I always end up the bad and grumpy mummy!

  9. MG Dear, Thanks so much for blogging on this. I am sure most of us have experienced this regularly. By u writting this, we know that we r not alone & feel better knowing others r experiencing the same thing being overwhelmed with housework & taking care of the kids.

  10. blurblur,
    Have to constantly remind ourselves.

    Whether the moments become tense or lighthearted depends on how we ourselves act sometimes yah?

    You too! (Have fun on the roller coaster, I mean)

    You better pick up the right cue or it may get you in trouble instead. Lol!

    hui sia,
    Sometimes instead of appreciating and supporting one another, we start resenting each other's role instead. Silly isn't it?

    Mr MG is usually the more patient and cool one too. :P

    We have our ups and downs don't we? Its part and parcel of married life. I think the trick is to minimise the bad grumpy days before they snowball into something bigger and become a norm! Better concentrate on building the smiles and laughter instead.

    Hehe. *Shake hand* Sama sama. Aren't we all?

    From the comments, glad to know I'm not alone too and very normal. Hehe.

  11. You're very right! My DH is more of the 2nd type and this gets me more into a moody situation. Hmm.... time to send DH for some 'lessons' from yours...:P

  12. Hey, very well said. We need to manage our emotions better and keep our anger in check. I was always blowing my head off at the slightest agitations. These days, I TRY to control and I would say, I get more manageable responses from others too.

  13. Hahaha..blogs are good way of telling your hubby things that sometimes they filter.

    Oh well, pretty common to loose the cool with children. Sometimes if my hubby have bad days, I rather he takes a drive and relax. If I have a bad day, I go to sleep.

  14. Alamak! I'm just like what you've written last time! Now, I try to cool down before hubby reaches home so he won't have to hear my screaming or complaining. At first it's hard, but now I'm getting better at it.

  15. Wah..seems that it's the same scenario everywhere. Lol. I'm currently making it a point to welcome hubby with a smile the minute he steps inside. Sadly, I'm doing miserably...very hard to flash a grin when ur at ur wit's end coping with all the chaos (which is like 24/7 for me)...I must remember to try harder. =)

  16. baby smooches,
    You can copy, paste and email this post to him. Lol!

    Imagine after all these years, we are still trying to learn self control. And now we are even mothers trying to teach the young ones self control. :P

    This post not a hidden message for hubby. He doesn't read my blog. Haha.

    I think I'm getting better too but its like one step forward two steps back.

    sarah's mummy,
    Its not easy but we'll try harder yah?

  17. I guess it is a lot harder being a SAHM. Matter of fact, it is difficult enough being a couple. I guess the words "compromise" & "being understanding" have to be stressed regularly. Yea, it's easier said than done and I totally agree with you, we have to watch our own behavior in order to get the response we want.

  18. Hey.. MG,
    I totally agree with you on this topic.. and i see myself always pull long face at Papa BoK too.. it's a wonder he doesn't go find another mistress.. hahah!
    I have to really watch myself too.. ;)

  19. hehe...I get what you feel, sometimes I'm also like that, but just holding up the bullets and tell myself, it's OK. calm down and don't start talking or else WW3 coming

  20. Hehe..I guess every mummy and daddy face the same problem. We just have to learn to be patient. Whenever Keith makes me mad, I'll tell hubby "YOUR SON".Haha...and he'll answer back."Whenever he's naughty, he's my son. Whenever he's good, he's your son."hehehe

  21. It's true huh.. how we reacts to certain bring a chain reaction to the following events..

    For me.. my hubby always bochap.. so I'm always pulling my hair.

  22. vien,
    I think its all about compromise and give and take whether you are a SAHM, WAHM or WM.

    mama bok,
    Better watch it less they tire of our long faces and find a new face. Haha.

    At least you can tell yourself to calm down, for me, usually fire bullets non-stop. I'm still working on holding it in and the fact that issues need not be resolved AT THAT VERY MOMENT!

    Lol! We have a lot of those "your son"/"your daughter" (*roll eyes*) moments too.

    zara's mama,
    Then you have to learn how to bochap too and have him pull hair instead. Hehe.

  23. MG, thank you for sharing this piece. This is really one very farmilar episode most of us experience. Now I feel really "normal" and less guilty for throwing temper:p

    But I must say you are one very lucky woman as Mr MG is soso patient.

  24. I know it's never easy to be a SAHM. Having to face and take care of the kids, doing all the housework and cook meals of the day. Haiyo .... no easy job leh.

    U are not alone, I'm always the grumpy one too and always say "die lor, 'hor yi mung sat tiu lor' (hormones change?)". Luckily for me too dat Pappy is always the patient one and he does not loose his temper (frens always praised and admired me for dat) *smiling*. He'll allow me to 'fire fire and fire' and does not return a word only to 'soothe' me.

    Sometimes when I sit down, really have to give myself a deep thought - Can't I blow my top? Can't I complain? Can't I rant? But come to think of it, how can some ppl be so patient?

    Sorry, sorry, using ur space to 'futt ngap fung' here.

  25. mdm 2359,
    Yes, I'm lucky he is more patient than me. If the situation were reversed, I think I'd probably give him a much harder time!

    I like it when ppl use my space to "futt ngap fung" cos that means I'm not alone. Lol!


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